Black Widow Bakery
by LolitaArmin129
Summary: Armin is a cute 19 year old lolita boy who runs a cozy little bakery/tea shop in modern day Germany. His freshly baked sweets are all the rage, but what's the secret behind his baking expertise? Please read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: come one! Come all people to my fourth SNK/AOT FanFiction! It's a humor/horror fan Fiction so there's going to be some pretty dark stuff in here! And also stick around for the end, I have a very special announcement to make!)

Chapter 1:Welcome to Black Widow Bakery!

"Good evening ladies! How may I help you?" A young man with blonde hair asked politely. The two women just blushed and looked over his appearance before making eye contact with his face again." Um yes, we had heard some pretty good things about this tea shop of yours and well..we would like to try some of your sweets if that's okay?" She said blushing shyly. This woman had dark long violet blue hair, pale lavender pupiless eyes, and milky white skin while the woman next to her had short pink bubblegum hair, light green eyes slightly healthier looking skin.(see if you can guess who these two are!)

"Why Of course!" The blonde replied walking them over to a table,"follow me" he said. The two women looked over the young man again and blushed. The boy was dressed in some sort of male lolita attire. He wore white thigh high stockings with baby blue stripes, puffy white booty shorts that looked like bloomers with pale blue lace on them, and a white button up blouse with baby blue lace at the bottom . He wore a white long sleeved lolita blouse with blue lace at the end of his sleeves and a baby blue bow tie. His bobbed cut hair was neatly combed. From what they could see, this place had a nice little homey touch to it, and just like it's owner, it had a lolita-esque appearance to it. There were a few male customers here, but other than that the majority of the place was female.

Finding a nice window seat, the boy sat them down and gave them both some menus to look at. "Take your time okay?" He said smiling cutely at the two girls. "Thanks a lot" the pinkette smiled peering at their server's name tag "Armin". Armin smiled sweetly and then disappeared into the kitchen. "He's kind of cute!" The pink woman said " _and_ he has a cute ass!" The dark haired woman sitting across from her only looked at her with a shocked expression. "S-sakura Chan!" She squeaked."what about Sasuke?"

Sakura just snorted " _fuck_ him" she said. "Besides Hinata he looks like he could be your type, unlike _other_ blondes we know about.." A moment later, Armin returned with a tray containing fancy expensive looking teacups with an equally expensive looking teapot. "did you guys decide on what you want yet? " he asked as he poured the two some tea."everything looks so good in here it's kind of hard to pick.." Sakura replied."what would you recommend? " she asked.

"Hmm well I _did_ make a fresh batch of strawberry shortcake today..And I'm really fond of the apple pies and strudel here too! Actually... there the reason why I can't squeeze into any skinny jeans anymore.." He said sighing while looking down in mild shame at his booty. _"It's going to take me forever to lose the weight back there.."_ He thought to himself _._ His best friend Eren had tried to warn him to lay off the sweets but he just wouldn't got bad to the point where Eren keeps calling him "Sweetie Minaj". The fact that he had a little pink cupcake tattoo with white frosting on his left bum cheek really didn't help either. It looked like a cutie mark!

"Apple pie sounds nice" Hinata said. Sakura nodded in agreement, "okay, we'll try that then" she said giving the menus back to Armin. "Okay, be right back" He said taking the menus and walking away with the tray. One minute later, he came back with two plates of tasty looking apple pie."please enjoy " he said. "Thanks!" Sakura said tasting the pie. She sat perfectly still and her eyes sparkled for a moment before eating the entire thing whole.

'Sakura! " Hinata said in surprise as she watched Sakura devour the entire confection surprising Armin then looked at Armin with glossy eyes and blushing cheeks making him back up a bit. " oh my god..your pie is delicious! Can you be my boyfriend and cook for me!?" Sakura said in a dreamy like voice. _"_ w-what's wrong with Sakura? " Hinata asked looking at Armin. "Don't worry, she's only like that because of the pie" he said smiling sheepishly."you see,I'm a pretty talented baker... "

Hinata then grabbed her fork and took a sample of her pie. Armin almost giggled at the reaction that he had got out of her next. it almost looked like Hinata was having a silent mini orgasim from the look on her face."I..um..this is really delicious " Hinata said blushing. "May I please have a doggie bag so I can take another piece home and let my b-boyfriend try some?" She had asked.

"Sure!" Armin beamed and fetched a doggie bag loaded with extra pies and sweets for the two girls."I know where I'm coming to next time on my lunch break" Sakura said wiping her mouth."this pie is the shit! Way better than that other pastry shop down the street" Armin couldn't help but feel a strong sense of pride at this compliment."Thank you" he said. _"That's because the one down the street is always trying to copy off of my shit"_ he thought to other pastry shop a couple buildings over called "Fantasy Pastries" had opened up a year ago and was run by a hot lesbian couple named Christa and Ymir. There stuff was good too but not as good as Armin's.

"I have to know, what do you _put_ in here to make it so good?" Sakura asked. Hinata was also curious to know this as well. Armin then giggled,put his hands together in a heart shaped hand sign and batted his eyelashes at the two saying "I Make them with love". "Well you must love to them _a lot_ for them to taste this good!" Sakura said getting up and pinching his cheek. "How much do we owe you?" She asked. "$10.50" Armin two girls paid Armin and then took their leave."It was nice to meet you " Hinata mumbled not quite over her sugar high. "Thank you for the sweets" "It's no problem" he said taking the money and giving them their change.

After that, the two girls left, leaving Armin to tend to the rest of his customers. Before he knew it, it was already 9:00 PM and close to closing time. He was busy wiping off and polishing the tables when he had heard the little bell that jingled in the doorway whenever a customer came in."Hey Sweetie Minaj!" He heard a familiar voice say."Oh Shut up Eren!" Armin replied. Eren was wearing a black hoodie with fluffy black wolf ears and a tail attached to it with dark green skinny jeans and black chuck had a silver tongue piercing and a eyebrow piercing on his left eyebrow. Armin and Eren had known each other since they were three.

The tan boy just snickered at his friend's reaction. "Oh come on, you know it's true! Everybody knows you got a don-" he was then cut off by Armin squirting a can of chocolate vanilla icing on his face."say another word about my ass and I'm squirting it up your nose next" he warned. "Mmmm!" Eren reached out his tongue to lick the icing off of his face." Dude this is great! Is this icing homemade?" Armin nodded while giving him some napkins to wipe the rest of his face off."yup! It took me all day yesterday to get it just right"

"Mind if I help you clean up?" He asked already grabbing a broom. Armin put down his washrag and sat on top of one of the tables making himself comfortable. "Go ahead, I already knocked out the rest of the cleaning in here" he yawned. "So hey did you hear about that missing girl that disappeared last week? It's all over FaceBook" Eren said. "Really?" Armin replied looking up at Eren. "Yeah see?" He said holding up his iPhone6. It showed an article of a girl with purple ankle length hair with pink streaks and bright blue eyes flashed across the screen. The headline of the Article read: _ **STOCKING ANARCHY AGE 18 GOES MISSING! LAST SEEN WEARING GOTHic LOLITA CLOTHING! IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT HER WHEREABOUTS PLEASE CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES!"**_

"Oh my gosh are you serious?" Armin asked gazing at the Article. "Yeah. She had disappeared the other day and nobody has been able to find her" Eren replied putting the phone back in his pocket."well, I better head back out before Mom starts worrying where I'm at " he said walking towards the door."see ya Armin!" Eren said flashing him a smile before leat."see you pancake ass!" Armin replied waving him goodbye.

Once he closed up shop, he went upstairs to the second floor where he resided after hours. His shop consisted of two (technically three) floors. The first floor was his Bakery/tea shop and the second floor was where his little apartment was situated at. Just like the bakery, it was heavily lolita themed with Plush lavish Victorian era furniture in it. It consisted of a bedroom,bathroom and a small little kitchen in it. The third floor however, was actually a basement underneath the restaurant. This was where he would come up with new recipes for his sweets.

Once he showered and changed into some lolita Pjs he grabbed his cooking apron and went downstairs into the basement with an odd smile on his face now. Once he was there,he giggled evilly at the sight before him. It was none other than Stocking herself fully drugged out and relaxing in a chair in a happy drunken daze from Armin's sweets. She was nude and tied up in silky lacy ribbons that was covering her extreme lady bits from view.

"You're going to be a very good girl for me aren't you stocking?" He purred stroking her purple and pink hair lovingly with an evil glint in his eye."you have no idea how tasty of a treat you're going to be for me"he said licking his lips mischievously.

(A/N: awww snap! Don't bake her Armin! Don't make her into Stocking Berry Pie!And good news people! MisressOfFire will be collaborating with me and helping me out for the rest of this fic! *throws confetti everywhere* if you're not familiar with her work already, then go check her stories out! They are awesome! XD)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Enter Fantasy Pastry

"Grr! How does that cupcake ass over there do it!?" A brown haired woman said slamming her fist down on the counter. She had a dark tan with freckles, wore her short hair in a low stubby ponytail, and she had a slight boyish appearance. She wore tight black skinny jeans, a burgundy tank top, burgundy sandals and gold hoop earrings. "How the hell does that girly boy get _so many_ customers! Does he _sleep_ with them or something!?"

"But look Ymir!" A cute blonde girl in a blue sundress and sandalls chirped. "We have a pretty good amount of customers here too!" She replied trying to comfort her girlfriend. Ymir just pouted and puffed out her freckled cheeks. "Pfft! Seven to ten people a day isn't good enough Christa! That Black Widow Bakery be more packed than a strip club! just what's so damn _special_ About that guy's cakes anyway?"

"Well we could just go _ask_ Armin what he does with his sweets?" Christa suggested. "Maybe then we would have more customers"Ymir blinked for a moment and then suddenly grabbed Christa in a bear hug."Christa baby you just gave me an idea!" The tan tomboy said. "R-really? I did?" Christa asked confused. "Yes!" Ymir nodded. "We could go over there and sabotage his secret baking recipe! That way _we'll_ be the best Bakery here and people will stop going over there! Oohhh Christa you're such a good little wifey! Muahahah!" _"Oh boy.."_ Christa thought to herself.

XxxMeanwhile back at Armin's bakeryxxx

Armin came downstairs from his apartment ready to open up shop. He wore pink silky booty shorts that showed off his cutie mark with white lace around the bottom, pink and white candy cane stockings and a white lolita blouse with a pink silky button up vest over it along with a giant pink and white bowtie. His hair was held back and styled in a low ponytail with a shiny silky pink ribbon.

Turning on the lights in the bakery, he skipped downstairs to fetch his latest creation. It was dimly lit in some areas of his punk lolita styled basement but if you were to look very closely, you could see small splatters of blood on the pink and black checkered floor. A big blue bloody hair bow could be seen in his loveseat where Stocking was seen sitting at the night before. A huge black witchy looking oven along with a shiny polished black cauldron with left over cake batter in it could be seen in the corner.

Putting on some pink fluffy oven mitts, he went over to the oven and took out a fresh batch of cupcakes. They were purple with dark purple and pink frosting with black sprinkles. The wrappers he used for them was decorated with black and purple stripes with pink glitter. Armin sniffed the Sweet aroma coming from the cupcakes and smiled in success.

 _"These cup cakes are perfect!"_ He thought to himself. Taking the cupcakes, he took them upstairs to the bakery and placed them on his counter. Hearing the door open he looked over and saw a hot blonde girl with big wavy pointed tipped ankle length hair and teal eyes come in. She wore red lipstick, a red mini dress, red pumps and a pearl necklace with matching earrings. She was clutching a bottle of vodka and walking with a slight wobble in her step.

"Hey hot stuff, got anything good to eat here?"She asked Armin. " actually ma'am, you're in luck! I just got done baking these" he said gesturing to the fresh cupcakes on the counter."the blonde chick looked at the cupcakes and smirked."Hey..I don't know why, but these kind of remind me of my sister " she said picking one up and examining it. "Really?" Armin said cocking an eyebrow. "How so?"

"She would always wear those same dark looking colors! Even the _frosting_ looks like her hair color!" She exclaimed."She had disappeared the other night and nobody has any fucking clue where she went to.." Armin's eyes now shone with interest.

"You mean that Stocking chick all over Facebook?" he asked. "Yeah that's her, I'm surprised I didn't walk in and find her pigging out in here! The bitch is a sweetaholic!"

Armin remembered when Stocking first came in here the other day, she was literally having a sugar high! "I'm sure you'll find her soon" he said giving her a look of reassurance. "Ugh she better, the chick is driving me crazy looking for her ass! It's ruining my man hunting!" She groaned. This just made Armin laugh."what's your name? " Armin asked. "It's panty sweet cheeks"

"Well here panty, maybe a snack will help you relax" he suggested walking her over to a cozy table.

"Ugh Sweetie I'm going to need more than a snack" Panty said taking a bite out of her cupcake. "I'm going to need another bottle of vodka with a rock hard-" she stopped talking however, when she started to feel a super pleasant sensation running through her body."ohh _fuck!_ " Armin heard panty whisper to herself. "Is something wrong miss panty?" Armin asked with an amused smirk."damn son what did you _put_ in here?" Panty asked. "This is like sex with frosting!" She replied feeling a nice warm sensation between her legs now.

" hey.. You got more of those right?" Panty asked looking at Armin with lust filled eyes." Sure do" He said. "Hold on" the now aroused Panty kept her eyes locked on Armin's "Cutie Mark" as he walked away to fetch the pastries. _"God damn son.."_ Panty thought to herself. "Hey kid, anybody tell you you got a nice ass?" Armin's face glowed a hot red hearing this. "Maybe.." He replied blushing.

Walking back over to her with another cupcake, he watched her gulp down the second one in amusement. It was at that moment when Armin had an idea. _"if her sister turned out to be a good cupcake just imagine how tasty off a treat she must be.."_ He thought to himself. Just the mere _thought_ of it had him all giddy and hot. "Miss Panty?.." Armin piped up.

"Yeah sweet cheeks what is it?" She stopped breathing when Armin looked at her with a very sexy look on his face and bent over whispering in her ear saying " would you like to taste some more of my pastries?" He asked nibbling her ear and rubbing a hand up and down her thigh in a slow seductive manner. Panty's eyes widened for a moment but soon broke out into a big cheesy grin when she got the message.

"Hell yeah sweet cheeks" and with that he grabbed her and lead her in back of the bakery where the kitchen was at with an evil smirk along with a condom and a little pocket knife in his pocket.

(A/N: I.. I have no idea what to say for this crazy chapter except thank you Mistress for the antagonist idea XD ! Stay tuned for chapter 3!)


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N: Hello my fellow readers! Welcome back to the deliciously dark Black Widow Bakery! Previously we seen Humanity's Cutest Soldier about to prepare another poor victim for his sweet tooth satisfaction! Let's see how he's doing shall we?..and before you go any further I am warning you now.. Be prepared for smut N murder, if this isn't for you run while you still can! Enjoy

Chapter 3: I Make Them With Love! 3

"Oh my God yes! Harder blondie! harder!" Panty moaned. Armin was currently sitting on the kitchen table with Panty sprawled out across his lap on all fours. Her dress was pushed up past her waist and her panties were dangling off of her right thigh, exposing her bare bottom for the world go see. The blonde boy smirked in pleasure as he spanked Panty with a shiny metal cake spatula.

"you mean like this?" He purred spanking her a second time."what a dirty little lady you are Panty" he said beating her ass with the spatula."I bet you came in here looking for more than sweets didn't you? You probably came in here wanting me to fuck the shit out of you with this spatula didn't you? " the male lolita teased egging her on.

Now you're probably wondering.. _why_ on Earth is Armin doing kinky stuff to Panty in his kitchen? Simple answer my fellow readers, this was how the little Baker treated _all_ of his victims before turning them into cake. Much like a siren, he would lure women(and on extremely rare occasion men) in his shop and seduce them right before quickly killing them. The more aroused the victim was before death, the tastier his pastries would be. So to put it simply... _lust_ was the secret ingredient behind his success. So in an odd morbidly disturbing kind of way, it wasn't a total lie when he says that he makes them with love.

Panty panted and groaned as she creamed on Armin's bare thigh. Putting down his spatula, he dipped a finger in the little white puddle and teasingly licked it off in front of Panty, making very lewd and soft moaning noises. _"she tastes so damn good"_ Armin thought to himself. She would make an excellent pastry indeed. "Get up for me love" The male lolita ordered.

Panty did as she was told and stood up in front of Armin still in a drunken haze. Reaching for the hem of her dress, he pulled it up pulling the red garment off over her head before tossing it aside, leaving her in only her red pumps and jewelry. Grabbing both of her tits, he leaned over and started to suck on them lovingly making her moan in delight."aah! Fuck Blondie you really know what you're doing!" Panty moaned.

Armin looked up at her and winked in response with her nipple still in his mouth. Panty snaked her hands up Armin's hair and tugged on it making it fall out of it's ponytail and back in it's regular style as he continued to suckle on her mounds. Taking her tit out of his mouth, he got up and started licking the skin between her breasts, making them glisten with saliva.

He licked her down making her tremble before going down further to her belly botton, licking over it until he was down on his knees and kneeling in front of her lady her waxed lips,Armin blew on her sensitive area making her shudder."you like that?" Armin asked the angel huskily. Panty took a shaky breath before eagerly nodding."oh really? What else would you like miss panty?" He asked licking his lips."I bet you'd want me to fuck you right here in this kitchen don't you? Well rest assured Miss Panty, I'll make sure to give you a very good treat" he said slyly.

Placing his hands on her hips, he quietly leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her labia making her moan. He then pecked her there again and again until his kisses started to get more passionate and lewd. Sticking out his pierced tongue, he parted Panty's lips before sticking it in completely. Panty was in heaven! She threw her head back with her eyes shut as Armin flicked his tongue back and forth like a snake against her hot pink.

Panty jolted in surprised when she felt an intense vibrating sensation against her clitoris. _"IS THAT HIS PIERCING DOING THAT!?"_ she thought looking down at the man. Well then again, her underwear could turn into a gun so she couldn't say smirked in triumph when Panty noticed this. _"I knew this tongue ring would come in handy"_ Armin thought to himself feeling his tongue vibrate against Panty some more.

As he continued to eat Panty, he pulled his booty shorts down letting his erection pop out. Keeping his mouth and vibrating tongue ring latched onto the woman, he started to stroke himself moaning in bliss. Feeling that him and Panty was about to come any minute now, he took Panty out of his mouth and gestured with his finger to get down on the floor with him.

Once she was down on her knees with him on the floor, he gently grabbed her chin and lowered her head to his rock hard friend with his legs spread wide open. "Taste you a little bit of my sugar Miss Panty" Armin cooed rubbing the tip of his head against her plump lips "I know you're still a bit hungry for more.." Panty moaned as she parted her lips for the man, letting his cock sink into her mouth.

Armin groaned in pleasure and started speaking French to Panty in a very sultry voice. _"mmmph!..oui mon joli ange chienne, get it belle et humide"_ Armin moaned feeling Panty suck him off _"Sucer cette merde que je puisse vas te faire encule et faire un gâteau délicieux sur le cul sexy"_ Panty didn't know _what_ Armin just said but it sure as hell sounded sexy.

Bringing Panty up on her knees, he turned her around so her back was now against him. Bending her over just a bit, he lined his cock up with her pussy and soon started taking her from the back. Panty damn near went blind from the amount of pleasure she was experiencing. The slapping of thighs against thighs could be heard as Armin fucked her into oblivion.

Armin moaned loudly in Panty's ear as he rested his head against her shoulder. Reaching in front of her he used one hand to grab onto her left breast, while the other one traveled to her nether regions as he trusted in and out of her."Harder! _Harder!_ _ **Harder!**_ " Panty screamed as he drove her to orgasim all over the tiled floor. Armin grabbed her chin and turned her head, having her make out with him as he creamed long and hard in her vagina.

He shuddered and moaned into the hot kiss as he rode out his orgasim banging into her some more. Panty screamed in pure inhuman bliss as she felt the rest of Armin's hot filling squirt inside of her. Finally soft and empty, he pulled out of her and panted silently reaching for his little blade. "Jesus Christ sweet cheeks!" Panty said taking a long swig of a cigarette "you know how to please a"- _SLASH!_

Panty didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as she felt the cool metal of Armin's knife slash her throat from behind her. Blood squirted out of the fatal wound and onto the kitchen floor as Panty blacked out and died instantly. "Thank you for coming to Black Widow Bakery Panty.." Armin giggled licking sweet blood off of his knife like a popsicle "it was a real _pleasure_ serving you..."

(A/N: damn...I turned Armin into a psychotic loli fuckboy..O.O.. I may need some reeeaallll serious help here! XD anyways that's it for chapter 3! 4 will be coming soon! And MistressOfFire thank you so much again for lending me your equally disturbed and helpful mind! Arigato! *bows*)


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N: hello again people! I'm back with Chapter 4! Let's see how the rest of these crazies are doing while the aryan coconut tidies things up a bit shall we?)

Chapter 4: Sabotage Stew!

"Ymir are you sure this is necessary?" Christa asked looking at her and her lover's attire. Her and Ymir were both dressed in black cat burglar suits and sneaking in back of Armin's Bakery."of course this is necessary! " Ymir replied grinning. "We're going to break in and Sabotage Strawberry Shortcake's food, and once people start to get food poisoning from here, they'll be coming to us in no time"

Once they snuck in through the back door, the two girls found themselves in the kitchen where all of his baking utensils and cakes were on display. As far as they could see nobody was there, and it looked like it had just been cleaned."It's so cute in here!" Christa exclaimed looking around in awe."even some of his mixing spoons and spatulas have bows on them!" Ymir cringed "yeah, too cute" she said looking at the girly decor of the kitchen and the bakery. "How a guy can even _live_ in this frilly dump is beyond me!"

Spotting the Stocking cupcakes that were on display in front, she pulled an odd looking powder that resembled sugar from her pocket and sprinkled it on them and a few of the chocolate cream filled donuts nearby too. Truthfully, Ymir wasn't sure what this powder would do, but hopefully it'll do it's job and run Armin's customers out of there.

"hee hee hee alright Christa that should do it!" The tan girl said. "I can't wait to see the look on Strawberry Shortcake's face when he sees his customers puking there guts out!" She froze however, when she felt something rubbing up against her leg purring."what the-?" Looking down,her eyes widened at the sight of a humungous super fat,super fluffy, angry looking white cat with a ribbon tied around it's neck.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Ymir screeched looking at the deranged looking mass of fur."what a cute Kitty! " Christa cooed picking up and hugging the grumpy looking cat. The cat purred in content looking at Christa."THE HECK IT IS LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Ymir said grabbing Christa's hand and bolting out of the back door.

A few minutes later, Armin reappeared walking back upstairs to the kitchen wearing his frilly white apron and chef hat on with his headphones on top of his head. Spotting his cat, he turned down his music and walked over to the fluffy beast and picked it up. "Goodmorning Mr Whiskers! Did you have a good night's sleep?" Armin cooed. Mr Whiskers yawned in response and then snuggled his little pink nose on Armin's cheek. "Meow!" The cat replied.

Armin giggled and set MrWhiskers back down on the floor. "Well, I better open up shop" he said flipping the closed sign on the door to open. Within minutes the whole place was invaded with hungry women. "Goodmorning Sweetie Minaj!" He heard Eren say coming into the shop. "Morning pancake ass!" Armin yawned writing down orders at the counter next to the cash register.

Eren was wearing a fluffy grey cat hoodie today with a black T-shirt underneath and black skinny jeans. His feet was adorned with designer grey and black checkered Chuck Taylor's. "Damn is it packed in here!" He said looking at all the women. You'd think there was a Victoria's Secret sale in here! "Need any help buddy!?" He called over to the blonde.

"Yes please!" Armin called back over to Eren."Help me take these orders!" Eren quickly slipped on his roller blades, put on a spare apron, and started going around taking orders and bringing out sweets to the ladies. "Thank you Eren!" Armin said catering to a table of cute black girls. Eren gave him a little thumbs up and continued taking orders."these are _so good!_ "A black girl with brown hair and hazel eyes said. ," yeah white boy over here knows how to cook!" Another black girl with burgundy hair and dark eyes said." My man at home can't cook for _shit!_ "

"Thank you ladies" he said winking at the two women. "Aww how cute is he?" The blonde haired cooed looking at Armin."And he called us ladies!" The burgundy woman said with hearts in her eyes." How many guys call there girls ladies anymore? "'Armin blushed at the two women's compliments at walked over to Eren who was holding down the cash register and watching Armin." Hey Armin, how come you always get girls and all I got is Mikasa?" Eren asked in jealousy.

As if on cue a little black cat with dark grey eyes and a bored expression appeared from behind Eren's Bored looking cat had extra long fur on her head with bangs in the front, making it look like she was wearing a human girl hairstyle. "Umm because of my polite charm, brains and cuteness?" Armin smiled picking Mikasa up and petting the extra long fur on her head making her purr.

"Oh fuck you Armin" Eren pouted childishly."I could be cute too if I wanted too! See?" Looking at a random woman, tried to give her a cute puppy dog pout, but it came out looking more like an angry puppy instead. "Aww you're so cute! look just like my pet chihuahua!" The woman said ruffling up Eren's hair and walking away.

"See that! I'm cute!" He smirked triumphantly. Armin laughed at this while still holding Mikasa. "IT'S A MIRACLE!" The two boys heard a girl screech happily from across the shop. "Huh!?" They both said turning to the source of the outburst. A pretty red headed young woman with humongous jiggly bouncing breasts came rushing over to the two guys.

"Who made this cupcake!?" She demanded holdings up one of Armin's Stocking cupcakes. "This little gnome over here!" Eren said pointing to Armin. The red head turned to Armin with sparkles in her eyes and hugged him, suffocating him with her breasts in the process."OH MY GOD THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" She squealed happily. Tears of happiness poured down her cheeks.

Now normally,Armin secretly wouldn't mind having boobs in his face but this woman was _really_ making it hard for him to breathe! Eren pried his half dead friend from the massive cleavage and raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I don't get it, what did he do?" The Brunette asked." he made a miracle cupcake that's what he did!" The woman replied. "This morning I looked like this!" She continued holding up a selfie of her. She looked exactly the same except that she was flat as a board in the picture.

"And now, thanks to this little cutie's cupcake, I look like _THIS!_ " She squealed grabbing her new pair of double d's. Every woman in the shop now paid attention to what the woman was saying in awe. The next thing Eren and Armin knew, a stampede of women were making a mad dash towards the Stocking was a scene out of The Hunger Games. All of the deranged desperate women were clawing and battling each other for the tray of cupcakes.

Armin hid behind the counter in fear while Eren was on the counter pointing Armin's bottle of icing at the crazed customers."Back you hot savages! Back i say!" He threatened with Mikasa and Mr Whiskers hissing and scowling at the women. Ymir and Christa who had been watching across the street and peeking through the windows with binoculars looked in dumbfounded at all the commotion.

"What the actual _fuck_ !?" Ymir said."Christa hand me that bottle of powder again!" Christa nodded and handed over the powder. Ymir's jaw dropped when she read the label. It read _**"Female Growth Hormone"**_ ,"SO EVERYONE IN THERE IS GOING TO WALK OUT WITH HIGH SCHOOL OF THE DEAD BOOBIES!?" She screeched.

Christa sweatdropped as Ymir continued to as this was happening, a cute brown haired woman wearing a high ponytail watched the madness going on from inside another restaurant in confusion as she stirred her pot of beef stew while crunching on a potato. "I wonder what's going on over in Armin's place?"she thought out loud to herself

(Lol that's it for chapter 4! See you later with Chapter 5!)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 of lace,police, and stew

It was the evening and Armin and Eren were _exhausted!_. The last of the customers had finally cleared out leaving the two boys alone."Jesus this was a crazy day!" Eren sighed. "Tell me about it" Armin replied. "I'm hungry, you want something from Sasha's shop?" Eren asked turning to his friend. "Sure" Armin nodded "I could go for something that isn't sugar"

Locking the doors to the bakery, he set off with Eren across the street. There friend Sasha, had owned a nice bistro that served the _best_ soups,stews, and bread sticks. She was as good at cooking meals as much as Armin was good at baking sweets. Every once in a while she'll deliver him a nice hot pot of stew for him or he'll send a delicious cake over to her.

Once the two friends arrived at "Sasha's Bistro" her boyfriend Connie answered the wore a red and black Michael Jackson jacket, black jeans,and a pair of red and black Adidas sneakers. Just like how Eren was Armin's assistant, and Christa was Ymir's assistant,Connie was Sasha's assistant."Hey guys!" He said smiling at the two." Come on in and take a seat" The bald male said leading them over to a table.

"Thanks Connie" Eren said grabbing a menu."yeah we really appreciate it " Armin smiled."Damn son are you _still_ eating all of that apple pie!?" Connie said looking at Armin's back side. "Your ass was _not_ that big the last time I saw you!" He said in astonishment. "Oh my God not this again.." Armin groaned. "Of course he is!" Eren snickered. "He won't stop eating it no matter how many times I tell him to!"

"Oh both of shut up.." Armin grumbled."Dude, no homo, but you have _got_ to twerk for me and Sasha!" Connie suggested."tell me your kidding " Armin replied. "Nope!" The bald dunce replied shaking his head. "You have the ass of a black girl Armin, it _needs_ to be twerked!" Armin just glared at Connie"Hell no" the blonde answered. "Please Armin?!" Sasha Called from inside the kitchen."I'll give you and Eren free dinner here for a _month_ if you do it!" The Brunette begged.

Eren looked at Armin with a pleading puppy dog face now."Come on Armin! _Free food!"_ Armin sighed in defeat before getting up out of his seat. _"I can't believe I'm about to do this"_ Armin thought to himself. "Put some music on for me Eren.." Eren grabbed his phone and started playing a really sick beat from his playlist. _"Well, here goes nothing.."_ Armin thought getting in position.

 _Slow down, grab the wall_

 _Wiggle like you tryna make yo ass fall off_

 _Hella thick I wanna smash 'em all, now_

 _Speed up, gas pedal, now_

 _Speed up, gas pedal_

Armin started twerking making everyone in the restaurant look at him now. Boys and girls alike was practically hypnotized and drooling by Armin's epic one of a kind twerk.

 _Black money let them hoes say amen_

 _I'm just tryna make it clear boy Ray-Bans_

 _I'm a great man, woah say a friend_

 _I play a hole every night DJ amen_

 _Room full of boppers, tell them give me topper_

 _Beat it beat it up no one hit the coppers_

 _I'm S-A-G-E you would like to know_

 _Fee-Fi fo-fum large me in yo throat_

Armin was twerking dangerously low to the ground now, shaking and clapping his ass in tune along with the beat. Girls looked at him in pure jealousy and lust as he continued the sacred dance.

Eren picked up his phone and started recording Armin on Camera, cheering him on. "Go Armin!" Sasha cheered. "The little guy got back!" Connie whistled.

 _Slow down, grab the wall_

 _Wiggle like you tryna make yo ass fall off_

 _Hella thick, I wanna smash 'em all, now_

 _Speed up, gas pedal_

 _Gas pedal, gas pedal_

 _Gas pedal, gas pedal_

 _Speed up, gas pedal_

 _Gas pedal, gas pedal_

Once the song was over, the restaurant erupted into cheers as Armin finally sat back down next to Eren. "Dude you are a _beast!_ " Connie exclaimed."thanks" Armin said flushing in embarrassment,"now give me my clam chowder before I turn you into pie!" Little the others know, Armin actually meant that threat. He'd been fantasizing about turning Sasha into a batch of brownies or pound cake for a while now.

"Okay okay" Sasha laughed fetching a bowl from the kitchen. Once she was there, she grabbed a bowl, a ladel and poured a good amount of chowder into the bowl and brought it back out to Armin. "Thank you!" The blonde said gratefully taking his bowl. "And what would you like Eren?" The woman asked. "Beef stew with baked potato please!" The green eyed boy ordered.

"Okay I'll be back" the beef stew, was Sasha's most famous specialty. It was packed with all kinds of good stuff like beef, corn, veggies and potatoes but the beef was what really made the dish! But little known to her friends or customers the meat she used wasn't _really_ beef from a cow at all, but meat from _humans!"_ Most of the time her victims were buff attractive men that get turned into stew.

If you were to look in her freezer downstairs, you might catch a glimpse of a frozen skinned up dead man hanging on a hook ready to be butchered,cooked, roasted and served in a pot of stew. Unlike Armin however, she didn't seduce,pleasure, or comfort her victims before death. She just outright killed them.

Before long she was finally back with Eren's meal."here you go "Sasha said smiling at Eren. " thanks" he said eating his food. Once they were done, Eren and Armin left feeling as full as stuffed turkeys. "Buuurrrp! God I'm full" Eren groaned holding his puffed up stomach."yeah well it serves you right for talking me into twerking like that earlier".

"But it was _hott!_ " Eren whined. Armin just patted Eren's head and sighed, "goodnight Eren" Armin said sleepily. "See ya Armin!" Eren replied going home .Unlocking the door, Armin made his way upstairs,gave a bowl of Meow Mix, took a bubble bath and went to bed.

Xxxoutside Armin's bakeryxxx

"See anything suspicious yet?" One voice said. "Nope" another one replied. Two incredibly hot police officers sat outside in front of Armin's Bakery scanning the area. One was short with black hair and a bored expression on his face while the other one was tall blonde with a rather serious look on his face.

" so I think we should take a look around these restaurants and see if anybody here has any information about the missing women that have been disappearing lately" the blonde cop stated. "They might know something" the Raven haired cop nodded,"I'm going to keep a close eye on that shotacon" he said thinking about Armin. "Something about that kid just doesn't sit right with me"

(Two chapters in one day? That's a good record! Don't forget to review!)


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N: hello my darling little garden gnomes! Welcome back to the corner of crazed horny hungry loli coconuts and creepy man eating potatoes! How are you all doing tonight? I have once again returned with a nice freshly baked batch of chapter six! But be warned..this chapter isn't for the faint of heart..there is going to be some rather..risque scenes that will involve Armin trying to use his black widow style methods on the two cops...two MALE cops...so if guy on guy smut scenes and sugar drugs are not for you then you are free to leave, but if you're sure you're brave enough to stomach it and continue on then relax, grab some tea and cookies ,and enjoy the chapter!)

Chapter 6 Police Brutality?

"Hey did you hear?The police are snoooping around here!" Eren said petting ."really?you don't say.." Armin nodded listening to his friend. Instead of hus usual sweet lolita attire, he was wearing Goth lolita fashion this morning. He wore black eyeliner that made his eyes look even more big and doll like than usual and he was wearing red lipgloss.

His usual yellow Bob was styled in two high cute short little piggy tails held up in black bows and he was clad in a black puffy short sleeved lolita blouse with little revealing black puffy lace booty shorts. Black see through lacey stockings and black boots decorated his pale lengthy legs. "Yeah, I totally saw them barge in Sasha's place earlier! crazy stuff man"

"I wonder what they're doing around here?" Armin wondered to himself. They were both up in Armin's apartment and hanging out in his bed room since the shop was closed today. Even cannibalistic bakers like him needed some down time every once in a what Eren had said was true then he would have to be very careful.

"Most likely they're trying to figure out this case with the missing women" Eren shrugged."after a while I'm sure they'll leave eventually " Armin replied eating Strawberry shortcake(he had partly made it with Panty's remains earlier) And he was already having an idea on how he would convince the two cops to leave...

Xxxxlater that day with officer Levi and Officer Erwinxxxxxx

"Okay Levi, I'm going to go inside this bakery and see if this young man has any useful information about these women" Erwin said stepping out of the car."nope, I'm coming in too!" Levi said following the taller man. Reaching out a hand, Erwin was about to knock until the shorter man beat him to it."open the fuck up! It's the police! " Levi demanded."Really Levi?..." Erwin sighed shaking his head.

A moment later, the door opened revealing a _very_ unexpected sight that neither of them were prepared for."Yes, may I help you? " Armin asked cocking his head to the side. His pigtails were still there, but the outfit had changed entirely. He wore a silky powder blue sleeveless midriff shirt that stopped above his belly button along with..oh Jesus Christ Armin why?..a matching powder blue lace thong that was practically non existent in the back with matching powder blue lace stockings.

Both cops jaws dropped to the ground at the sight before them."I..um..we.." The blushing Erwin stammered .Armin inwardly snickered at the cop's faces. "Yes?" The blonde urged. Levi was the first to snap out of it and nudged Erwin sharply in the ribs."focus!" He whispered looking up at his partner."That is _not_ a hot lolita babe! This is a _guy!_ " Levi reminded him.

"Right" Erwin nodded back regaining some of his composure. "We've noticed some disappearances going on around this area and we would like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind" the flustered cop explained."oh ofcource! Please come in" The younger blonde said leading them into the restaurant. Both of the cop's eyeballs almost popped out of there sockets once they caught a perfect glimpse of Armin's cupcake tattoo.

"Hot _damn..._ " Erwin muttered quietly to himself."will you _stop_ getting hard and focus on the task at hand shit brows?" Levi whispered jumping up and smacking him in back of the head."but Levi this kid doesn't look dangerous to me at all" Erwin winced rubbing his head."care for some tea and cookies?" Armin asked. The two cops looked at each other for a moment and nodded. What harm could a nice snack on the Job do right?

"Okay be right back" and with that he put on an apron, brewed a pot of some Earl grey tea, and grabbed his very special batch of chocolate chip cookies. Once he was all done, he put it all on a tray and brought it to the two men."Thank you" Erwin said smiling at the young man and taking a bite out of a cookie. Levi hesitantly looked at his cup of tea for a moment before taking a nice long sip of it. _'huh..creepy boku no pico knows how to make a damn good cup of tea I'll give him that.."_ Levi thought downing the cup of tea now.

"Now, you said you two had a couple of questions for me?" Armin said taking a seat on Erwin's lap. Erwin tried everything possible not to get an erection but Armin's attire, and the tastey as hell cookies were making it very hard for him."what's wrong officer?" Armin asked innocently."you look like you're coming down with a fever" "I'm fine" Erwin replied. He took off his hat and fanned himself with it, trying to silently calm himself and his nether regions down but to no avail.

Levi was also beginning to feel very strange as well. _"Why does it feel like I'm about to go into heat?"_ Levi wondered feeling a bulge quickly growing in his pants making them uncomfortably tight. _"the fuck did he put in here?"._ Armin smirked as he noticed the change in the policemen's behavior. _"the tea and cookies must be taking effect"_ he thought to himself. _"perfect!"_ Wrapping his legs around Erwin's hips and straddling him in his lap, he looked up at him with those innocent eyes again.

"Are you sure you two are alright?" He purred rubbing a hand up the cop's thigh. Erwin shuddered at this action while Levi watched slowly unzipping his pants and pulling himself out. " come on officer, you can tell me" Armin cooed kissing a trail up Erwin's neck. Erwin groaned in pleasure as Armin continued to work his magic.

"Does it have anything to do with down here?" Armin asked reaching down and squeezing Erwin's crotch. Erwin nodded groaning and grunting in pleasure as Armin continued to push the man past his breaking point. Levi grunted stroking himself. It was already too late for the poor steely eyed cop. The and cookies were already clouding his better judgement and he was too gone in his own little world to care anymore.

Grabbing Armin and putting him on the table, Erwin trapped the blonde in a heated passionate kiss. Armin moaned as he parted his lips for the bigger blonde taking the officer's tongue in his own mouth. _"he tastes just like sugar"_ Erwin thought as he devoured the blonde. Levi watched in arousal when Erwin snuck his hands down Armin's hips and thighs and tore off the baby blonde's thong, leaving him in only his shirt and stockings.

This was just perfect for Armin! He was going to be fed today in every sense of the word. He couldn't wait to turn Levi into a black berry pie and Erwin into a cream pie. _"or even a cheesecake! "_ Armin thought . Just the thought of turning them into sweets made him all the more aroused and hungry. Lifting up Armin's shirt, the police officer beant over and started licking his perky little nipples making the smaller blonde moan.

He eyed Levi as the male continued to stroke his own cock. 'Here officer, let me help you with that" Armin purred sliding underneath the table. Once he was on his knees and eye level with Levi's weapon, he began to lick it up and down in a nice slow sensual manner with his vibrator ring on." _fuck_! " Levi cursed holding onto Armin's pigtails. " _Shit_ kid..do you treat every customer like this?' He asked.

"Here in Black Widow Bakery I make sure all my of my customers are comfortable and well attended to sir" Armin replied huskily. Reaching his hand over to Erwin, he started to stroke his member too as he went back to licking Levi. Both cops were in heaven feeling the young baker pleasure them at the same time. While Armin did this, he snuck his free hand between his thighs, touching and teasing himself.

The two cops became even more aroused once they heard Armin's Angel like moans from underneath the table. Switching his hand and mouth's positions, he started to suck off Erwin and Jack off Levi while continuing to play with himself. "Ooh fuck.." Erwin moaned. "Still think this guy is dangerous?" He groaned turning to his partner"shit, if anything this kid is just dangerously horny," Levi replied looking down at Armin. Screw what he said about Armin earlier, this kid was going to get fucked! Gender be damned.

"Up here kid" Levi said patting his lap. Armin smirked crawling off the floor and onto Levi's lap like a sugar baby would her pimp. Once he was comfortable in the smaller cop's lap he began to make out with him."get on the table again"Levi ordered breaking the kiss and whispering in the killer's ear. "This time on all fours with that cupcake ass facing us so we can fuck you" he smirked.

Armin's asshole twitched hungrily at the sound of this. It's been quite a while since a victim did him up the ass. He did as he was told, turning around for the policemen."that's a good boy" Erwin nodded "stay just like that for officer Levi" he said walking around the table across from Levi facing Armin."open up" the blonde cop opened his mouth for the cop letting Erwin slide his candy in it while Levi was preparing him in the back with his tongue making him moan.

 _"Damn! even his ass tastes like sweets ..."_ Levi thought to himself eating the baker out. Armin shuddered when Levi pulled his tongue out and started licking and sucking on his cupcake tattoo. Ever since he got that cutie mark his skin has been super sensitive there.,"ahh that's right baby, eat that cupcake " Armin moaned with Erwin's hard on still in his mouth.

Levi continued on with this for another three minutes before removing his face from there and lining his man candy up with Armin's hole." I'll try to be careful alright kid?" Armin responded by roughly backing his ass up against Levi, making his dick pop in instantly." it's okay, I can handle it " he said smirking up at Levi."Now just hurry up and bang me already " he said grinding his ass up against the man's pelvis."a rather bold one he is " Erwin chuckled stroking Armin's hair.

"Shit brat, you don't need to tell me twice" Levi said grabbing onto Armin's and Erwin double banged Armin mercilessly from both ends making the shota moan in pleasure on the table. " _Fuck_ Erwinhe's so tight!" Levi moaned thrusting in and out of Armin."mmm! and his sucking skills are phenomenal!" Erwin agreed tugging and holding onto Armin's tight pigtails. Armin inwardly smirked at this comment. He wasn't going to brag, but let's just say he has gotten _a LOT_ of good practice over the years when it came to pleasuring people, and you do _NOT_ want to know how many people that really, it was a miracle how this guy didn't have any STDs.

While The two cops were distracted and thrusting in and out of Armin, the young man quietly reached over to Erwin's gun holster and silently pulled out his pistol. "Fuck!...Fuck!" Levi moaned about to come. Armin moaned in pleasure as the young cop splattered his load all over and inside Armin's bum."mmph!.c-cumming!" Erwin groaned as he squirted his load in Armin's mouth. Armin drank it all down happily as he milked Erwin for all he had. _"yup, he's definitely going into the cheesecake "_ Armin thought slurping up the last few drops Erwin had.

Feeling totally tired and fucked out the two cops pulled out of Armin and sat back in there seats, too content and in a sexual haze to move."damn..." Levi panted. "I'm coming back here again, kid knows how to bake _and_ fuck!" He said laying his head back resting. "As far as I'm concerned he's in the clear" Erwin nodded in agreement as he laid back with his eyes closed.

"Well I'm very flattered you think that way gentlemen..it's just too bad I have to bake you into yummy pies" he said pointing Erwin's gun in the man's face."pardon me?" Erwin asked a bit confused. Cracking one eye open, he stared into the barrel of the gun as Armin still sat on the table, giving him a somewhat hot but mostly psychotic smirk.

 _BANG!_

Levi jumped in alarm once he heard the gun go off. He looked in horror as blood and brain matter splatter out of the back of Erwin's head and onto the plush pink cushion of the seat." _I KNEW something wasn't right about this kid!"_ Levi thought snapping out of his drugged sexed out haze. He made an attempt to reach for his gun but he wasn't quick enough as Armin pistol whipped him with Erwin's gun and snatched it out of Levi's hand.

Armin giggled darkly as he pointed both guns at officer Levi's head."oh my fucking God your face.." Armin moaned chuckling at Levi's horrified expression."keep making that face..it fucking _turns me on so much_ seeing my desert look so silly and frightened like this before they die.. " he purred seductively licking his lips. "Oh my God you look so fucking _delicious_ like right now!" He trembled holding the two pistols. "Ahh I really think I'm about to cum again just from looking at that frightened face!"

Levi was frozen in fear by just how fucked up the little blonde was! Before he knew it two bullets ripped through his skull, violently blasting his brains out. Armin smiled wickedly as Levi's corpse fell into his half eaten plate of cookies."suckers.." Armin snickered cooly twirling one of the guns in his hands like a cowboy. Blowing the rising smoke out of it, he tossed it aside, hopped off of the table and dragged both bodies downstairs into his basement.

By night time there were two giant cheesecakes and one little blackberry pie put out for display on the front window, decorated and ready to be sold and eaten the next day. The restaurant was once again spotless and corpse free making it look like the brutal murder never happened. _"Man I love my job.."_ Armin thought cutting himself a nice little slice of cheesecake for the night with a glass of milk. Going up into his room, he turned off the lights of the bakery heading in for the night.

(A/N: _TWO BAD COPS AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! JUST GOT BANGED, JUST GOT SHOT AT THE SAME DAMN TIME, AT THE SAME DAMN TIME AT THE SAME DAMN-_ haha okay I'm sorry I had to XD That song has been stuck in my head all day today and I don't know why! XDDD but yes there goes another twisted and effed up chapter for you guys! Isn't drugs sex 'n' murder just _lovely_ things to read about? *audience gives me weird looks* oh don't even _GIVE_ me that look you all already _KNEW_ what you were getting into reading this fic!..I know.. I need serious therapy XD for even writing this! Well that's all folks! Check in for seven!)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 poor little lamb

"Oh come on wifey you can do it!" Ymir said grinning. " just stroll over there and see if you can sneak his secret recipe back over here before he notices!" The scruffy tomboy said. "B-but Ymir are you sure this will work?" Christa asked twiddling her fingers. She was wearing a bright orange sundress today with white lace trimming and matching orange sandals.

"Ofcource it'll work!" Ymir reassured comforting the girl. She then handed Christa a walkie talkie. "And if something happens, contact me on this" she said." Okay" Christa nodded. She was determined to make Ymir happy and carry out this mission! Last time turned out to be a flop, but this time they would be successful!

"Wish me luck!" Christa said walking out of "Fantasy Pastry" and down the street. It was still very early in the morning so there was hardly anybody out she was in front of Armin's Bakery she stepped in through the front door causing it's the Bell to jingle. She smiled when she saw Armin's kitty come down stairs ."aww Hi Kitty!" Christa said picking up Mr Whiskers. "where's your owner at?"

She soon got her answer when she heard the sounds of a shower running and off key singing coming from upstairs in Armin's apartment. "Oh! Well I better get to work!" Christa said putting Mr Whiskers down. "Merow!" Mr Whiskers replied following the blonde into the kitchen. "Armin has very cute taste" she said gazing at the kitchen again. She looked through everything before spotting a cute little cookbook titled _**"Baking With Love!"**_.

"Maybe his secret recipe is in here!" She beamed picking it up. Her stomach grumbled in hunger as she looked through it. There were all kinds of delicious recipes and helpful guides to baking sweets but saw nothing out of the ordinary that really caught her attention."huh..maybe Armin is just _naturally_ talented.. " Christa sighed. "Why ofcource I am.." She heard a familiar voice from behind her say. Christa squeaked and jumped backwards in alarm, stumbling into a bunch of frosting, pots and pans.

"Oww" she whimpered in pain looking up. Her eyes widened and her face turned bright red when she saw Armin smirking and leaning back looking at her from against the wall with his arms crossed. The ONLY thing that he was wearing was a white fluffy towel wrapped around his dripping wet hair and a pair of white lace thigh high stockings. He must have just came out of the shower."tsk tsk tsk,what do we have here?" He asked walking towards Christa tracking water on the floor.

" _EEP!"_ Christa squeaked turning her head away from Armin. The naked man's smirk turned into a devilish grin as he knelt down to Christa's eye level."little girl, didn't your mommy and daddy ever tell you that it's wrong to trespass in other people's property? " he asked holding her chin."you've been a very bad girl Christa" he said frowning."what were you doing lurking around in my Bakery just now?"

Christa gulped trying not to look down at the rest of Armin's body."What's the matter?" He cooed."surely a lovely little princess such as yourself has seen a naked man before?" He purred teasing the poor flustered woman."I-i-um.."not trusting herself to make an even bigger idiot of herself and talking,she just shook her head no.

"Oh really?.." He replied raising his eyebrows. "Well miss Christa, I see that your rowdy little bitch of a gifriend has kept you under her leash for too long.." He said pulling her up and leading her upstairs gently tugging her by the hand. Christa blushed as she caught a glimpse of his cupcake. "W-where are you taking me?!" Christa asked confused."Giving you a little tour of the rest of my bakery." Armin replied smirking. He's been itching for a taste of Christa lemon cream pie...

XxxxMeanwhile with Ymirxxxxx

Ymir sat at the cash register puffing her cheeks out grumpily. "Dammit it's been over an hour!" The girl groaned. "What's taking my baby so long?" She wondered as if on cue, her walky talky came on. "Christa are you okay!?" Ymir asked talking into the walkie talkie. Her face paled once she heard two voices over the static of the walkie talkie. _"Come on Christa, say it.."_ She heard Armin say. _" who's your sugar daddy?"_ _ **SPANK!**_ She then heard _her_ sweet little Christa moan Armin's name. _"mmph ! Such a sweet little cake you are Christa.. Moaning for your new daddy.." SPANK!_

 _"WHAT THE_ _ **FUCK!?**_ _"_ Ymir screeched. Grabbing her binoculars, she went outside and peeped through Armin's second floor window. "Oh _**HELL NAW!**_ _"_ She growled. Armin..cute evil little Armin was touching _HER WOMAN!_

 _xxback with Arminxxx_

Christa moaned as Armin spanked her with his baking utensils. "You like this much better than that bitch Ymir don't you?" He purred keeping her dress lifted up and spanking her with her bear panties still on." I bet she put you up to sneaking in my shop didn't she Christa?" Christa blushed in Armin's lap bent over like a child. _"mauvaise petite fille!"_ He growled speaking in French and spanking her again.

"This is what happens when bad little girls like yourself mess with other people's property" he smirked. Pulling down her kiddie panties, he spanked her again making her moan some more."tell me Christa, have you ever baked cookies with a man before?"He asked seductively. "N-no.." Christa whimpered."well your about to" he replied licking his lips smirking.

xxback with Ymirxxxxx

"I'm going to kill that mother fucker!" Ymir said searching for her dad's old shotgun. After a good thirty minutes, she had finally found it. She's going to have Armin's junk hanging on a mantle above her fireplace tonight! She was about to step out the door until she heard a knock. Opening the door, she found Poor Christa with a dazed, happy, drugged out expression on her face and sitting in a wheel chair. Her hair was a mess, her orange sundress was rumpled, and her underwear was dangling off of her right ankle. She was also missing her left sandle as well.

"Oh my God Christa!" Ymir shrieked tossing her shotgun and picking Christa up bridal style."Christa baby _speak to me!"_ Ymir cried holding her girlfriend. _"what all did that bastard do to you!? "_ Christa's goofy smile grew bigger as she lifted up her dress revealing two messages from Armin. One was a little sticky note on Christa's tummy. And the other one was graffiti written very neatly in pink icing over her lady bits."d-daddy left a message..." The distraught girl replied in a dazed dreamy voice.

Ymir took the sticky note first and read it aloud. _"_ _ **Dear Ymir, thank you for lending me your little helper over here, she was such a nice little treat for me! Feel free to send her back over here, I'd love an extra hand in helping me bake more sweets! ;-) p.s I know it was you who tampered with my cupcakes the other day. Actually,I should really thank you for making my sweets even more popular,so thank you! But really pull another stunt like that again bitch and I'll make you regret ever fucking with me. Love and kisses, Armin"**_

She then looked down to the icing graffiti written on Christa's vagina. It read in cursive : _**"Armin was here"**_ Ymir growled ripping the note to shreds. _"RAWRRRRR! !THIS MEANS WARRRRRR!"_ Ymir screeched. Armin snickered to himself in his room as he listened to Ymir's screeching and howling. He was now dried off and fully dressed listening to the angry Ymir down the street."looks like she got the message.." He muttered to himself smiling wickedly.

He then picked up his humongous cat and went downstairs. "Come on Mr Whiskers, let's go open shop" he whistled.

(A/N:well! There goes another delicious funny chapter!tell me what you thought XD)


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N: hey people! Back eith eight! Not much horror in this one, just senseless comedy for the most part, enjoy!)

Chapter 8 Prankster Pies and French cakes!

The bakery was once again filled with eager hungry women. Eren was going around helping Armin take orders in his black puppy hoodie and dark blue jeans while Armin sat back near the cash register giving everyone their change and looking at all of the beautiful women in his shop in deep thought. He quietly chomped on his plate of apple pie (victimless this time) as he thought about the type of girl he should bake and eat next.

He blushed as his eyes landed on a cute black cat girl with white ears and a tail daintily eating a strawberry shortcake and some rosemary tea by the fireplace. Her hair was noticeably long for someone of her ethnicity and it was straight and jet black with hot pink streaks running through it. She wore it down with perfectly cut bangs that stopped above her eyebrow. _"What a cute little chocolate cupcake"_ Armin thought as he observed the young woman.

The black Neko was wearing dark red lipstick making her juicy plump lips stand out even more and had pretty pink doll like eyes that glimmered happily every time she took a bite out of her slice of cake. _She would make a delicious red velvet brownie.."_ He thought to himself some more. Armin had a particularly strong sweet tooth for black girls. They added a nice kick to some of his sweets and they were quite pleasurable during sex.

His gaze then fell To an Asian looking woman with extremely long pigtails eating cheesecakes brownies and a glass of warm milk. She had teal colored hair and eyes and was wearing a headset on her head over her thin lips were colored in pink shiny lipgloss and she was texting away on her Android. Something told Armin she would make a really nice yummy crêpe of some sort.

His tummy gurgled in arousal and hunger when he continued fantasizing someore about the ladies in his shop and what kind of sweet he would like to taste them as. Trying to stay focused on his job though, he got himself another slice of apple pie and started to eat it again while taking some more of the customers orders. "Dammit Armin, one of these days you're going to end up bursting out of those shorts next!" Eren said coming up to his friend with Mr Whiskers and Mikasa scurrying close behind him.

"I can quit eating apple pie anytime I want" Armin replied wiping the crumbs off of his mouth with a hankey. "Oh yeah? How about now?" Eren challenged. Armin blushed looked down at his pie and back at Eren with big huge watery eyes."but Eren!" Armin whined "It's my comfort food! It gives me precious nourishment!" Eren snickered. "Correction, it gives your _ass_ precious nourishment"

"Oh shut up Eren" Armin grumbled." I'm going out to go buy some more cream and sugar, think you can take over while I'm gone?" He asked grabbing his walking cane. It resembled a pink and white candy cane with a white lace ribbon on top. "Sir yes Sir!" Eren saluted. "Good boy"Armin said putting a little lolita top hat on and stepping out the door.

Stepping outswide, he eyed little Christa walking...well.. it was more like a funny looking penguin shuffle crossed with a limp and she was moving around with an old lady walker. She was humming to herself while out gathering some things for almost felt bad for the girl. He didn't _mean_ to put her in a walker let alone a wheelchair, but he just couldn't help himself. He _loved_ messing with Christa! "Oh Christaaa!" Armin called out getting her attention.

Christa looked up, stiffened and blushed heavily when she caught sight of Armin. Let's just say she hasn't stopped thinking about the last visit she paid to his shop. Now every time she looked at Armin she kept imagining very dirty thoughts about him nude covered in icing and doing kinky stuff with his spatula and it was terrible! She hasn't been able to get her mind off of him since and it was silently driving her nuts.

"H-hello Armin" Christa stammered. She gulped nervously as the shotacon approached her." _Bonjour Christa"_ Armin greeted speaking in French again. Walking passed her, he slapped his cane again her butt whistling making her squeak. Armin giggged to himself at this action and looked over his shoulder at the beat red blonde."you know what Christa? I think I like you...I can tolerate you much better than that bitch of yours" he said.

"Y-you do?" Christa asked nervously. "Why of course" he purred." And you know if you want.." He then walked up to her with a mischevious look on his face. " _Vous pouvez toujours jeter Ymir et de revenir à ma boulangerie et me payer un peu visit..I'd aiment dîner sur votre délicieuse petite chatte à la crème un peu plus mon savoureux petit gâteau français"_ he said whispering in her ear.

Flustered but confused at that sentence, Christa typed in what he said on her phone in Google translate. Once the english translation of what he said popped up, she turned beat red and fainted right then and there on the side walk bumping her head and dropping her walker with a nosebleed. Armin chuckled madly to himself as he continued his walk to the grocery store leaving poor Christa on the sidewalk.

A while later Ymir discovered Christa unconscious on the ground. _"Christa!"_ Ymir shrieked scooping Christa up and placing her inside their shop on a comfy seat. _"Christa baby SPEAK TO MEEE!"_ Ymir cried bawling like a baby. Christa mumbled something in her sleeping state something about cream, Armin and bed. Ymir sneered at this and grabbed something out of her kitchen. "I knew that little bastard had something to do with this!" She said slipping on her cat burglar outfit earning strange looks from her customers.

"I'll teach that cupcake ass to mess with my bitch! I shall avenge my Christa!" She said storming over to Armin's shop. Sneaking in through the back door, she eyed Eren in the front of the restaurant trying to flirt with some of Armin's customers. _'perfect!'_ She thought sneaking through the kitchen. She eventually eyed Armin's beloved apple pie sitting in front of the cash register where he left it.

Snickering evilly, she sprinkled something all over the yummy confection. Once she was finished, she quickly snuck out of there and back to her shop. A few minutes later, Armin returned with the ingredients he needed. Putting his top hat up, and walking cane back, he greeted Eren and went back over to his comfort food. He happily started eating some more until suddenly...

 _RRRRRIIIIPPPPPP!_

Armin stopped eating and looked down in horror to see his ass and hips growing and bursting out of his shorts and underwear, literally making them tear apart at the seams and fall on the floor while the rest of him stayed his normal skinny weight. _"OH MY GOD EREN!"_ Armin screamed in alarm clearly freaking out. Eren rushed over to Armin hearing his friend." Armin what's wr-HOLY _SHIT_!" Eren gasped looking at his friend's outrageous monstrous backside.

Poor Armin's ass was now at least four times the size it usually was, putting even Nicki Minaj to shame! It was so heavy and fat he couldn't even stand! He was now on the cold floor sitting on his bare bum crying in embarrassment. Hearing the commotion, the customers went over to see what was wrong. Once they laid eyes on Armin's booty, they all squealed in happiness and fainted twitching on the floor. Those who didn't faint like school girls either took pictures on their phones, or started having massive nosebleeds.

"Back you hot savages! Back I say!" Eren growled trying to cover his friend from view."Have you all no shame!? " minutes later the paramedics arrived lifting Armin up in a stretcher and hauling him and his Titan sized butt into an Ambulance for emergency liposuction. As he was being carried away, he saw Ymir across the street waving at him chuckling in glee with a humongous Grinch like smile.

"That _bitch!_ " Armin growled under his breath glaring daggers at the woman.

 _This means war!_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 tea time with the enemy

Armin laid on his tummy in his hospital bed bored as hell drawing in a little sketch book with crayons the nurse had kindly brought in for him earlier. He chuckled in delight as he doodled out different scenarios for how he was going to get revenge on Ymir. On one page, he drew her as a stick figure drowning in a boiling pot of molten chocolate syrup screaming with him watching with Christa sitting in his lap.

In another page, he drew her as a bloody stick figure with her eyeballs and tongue gouged out, her ponytail shoved up her nose, her head disfigured, and her body sitting in his black witch cauldron that he used to mix different cake batters. "Stupid bitch" he muttered drawing extra blood with the dark red crayon. And in the current doodle he was making, it simply just involved him suffocating her by sitting on her face with a big happy smile on his face until her lungs gave out, and her skull smashed underneath the weight of his bum.

He giggled like an evil little child at his work. And speaking of his bum, the doctors were only able to remove three fifths of the extra fat Ymir had put on him with that prank pie back at his Bakery. So it was no longer gigantic, but it was still a little bit bigger than how it originally was. He was going to need to get some of his shorts and underwear tailored once he gets out of here.

After a while of coloring, he got bored again and started playing with some of the stuffed animals next to him in the minute later, he heard a knock on the door."oh Mr Arlert!" The nurse chirped from the other side of the door."You have some visitors!" Armin cringed at the super perky and cheerful voice the nurse spoke in. It was almost like nails on a chalkboard. "Come in please!" Armin replied.

The nurse opened the door holding her clipboard and blushing when she seen Armin. "Eren, Sasha, and Connie are here to see you!" She said. Armin perked up at the mention of his friends. "Yes, let them in" he said smiling at her politely. "Would you like any snacks dear?" She asked. Armin thought about it for a moment before smiling."warm milk and cookies would be nice!" He replied."okay, be right back" she said letting the three young adults into Armin's room.

"Hey Armin!" Sasha said scampering into the room hugging him."what happened?" She asked carrying a doggie bag from her restaurant. "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle bitch happened that's what" Armin replied darkly."what's in the bag?" He asked. Sasha beamed holding up her bag.

"it's my newest chowder that I've been working on!" She said."It has grilled crab, shrimp, lobster, and scallops in it!" She said handing it to him. "I even added some mozzarella sticks as a side dish for it!" She exclaimed proudly."you're the first one besides Connie to try it" she said.

"It's true!" Connie chimed in."it's hella good! And look what I got you!" He said holding out his present with a big goofy smile. Armin blushed once he saw what it was. A playboy magazine filled to the brim with naked girls covered in sweets, candy, sprinkles and any other kind of sugary toppings you could think of."uh, thanks Connie" Armin blushed putting it under his pillow. He might just save that for later.

"How's your butt doing Sweetie Minaj?" Eren asked grinning. He was holding Mr Whiskers while Mikasa sat next to Armin giving herself a tongue bath. "They only managed to suck out 70% of the extra fat Ymir put back there but I'll live" he said."it's still a bit sore though" he winced. "Hey, at least it's still sexy! I'd so tap that if I was gay or a girl " Connie chirped.

Eren and Sasha both gave the bald idiot a look while Armin just blushed. "Man that is gay.." Eren said. "What!? Eren you cannot _tell_ me with a straight face that you wouldn't go gay for Armin just to smash that ass!" Connie said defensively. Eren then looked at Armin, blushed and looked back down to the floor in shame. Armin just groaned in embarrassment "oh my God you know what? The next person to say another word about my butt is getting their face clawed up by Mr Whiskers!" He said holding up the grumpy faced giant kitty.

Connie immediately went quiet. Armin meant it too. He seen Armin train that cat to attack people on command once and It wasn't pretty. Mr Whiskers was like a rabid dog with rabies when angered. "That's a good boy" Armin smirked eating some of his food."and Sasha this chowder is great!" He said smiling at Sasha."Could you make me some more?" He asked sweetly.

Sasha grinned."I'll give you the whole pot in exchange for the rest of that that blackberry pie and cheesecake I saw on your display window! Connie and I want to taste it!" She said. "Deal" Armin replied."dude all those girls at the shop really miss you! " Eren said."every time they come in they're always asking me when you'll be back" Armin giggled softly at this."well tell them not to worry, I'll be out by tomorrow " he said.

"Awesome!" Eren said giving his bff a thumbs up. The rest of the day went by with the four friends enjoying each other's company. _"It's nice having friends who care.."_ Armin smiled to himself.

Xxxback at Fantasy Pastryxxx

Christa hummed to herself as she grabbed her freshly made apple pie, peach cobbler, whipped cream And neatly packed it all up in a basket. "Hey wifey what cha doing?" Ymir asked walking up to her and wrapping her arms around her waist." N-nothing, just taking these sweets over to my mother, she's been dying to try them " Christa replied.

"Awww what a sweet little babe you are" Ymir said pecking her neck."Do you want me to walk you over there?" She asked."Oh! U-um no, it's fine, I'll be okay, I promise!" She said smiling. "okay baby be careful!" Ymir replied opening the door for her." I will!" Christa said. And with that she walked out of the door into the cool summer evening air.

Once she was absolutely sure Ymir wasn't watching her anymore, she quickly made her way down to the hospital. She had really used her mother as an excuse so she could sneak out to see Armin. After all this time she _still_ couldn't get him out of her head. As much as she hated to admit it, Christa was growing very much attracted to Armin and it was driving her crazy! Dare she say, even more attracted to him then she normally is with Ymir.

 _"Checking on him and giving him these treats wouldn't hurt anything right? right! I'll just give these to him and be on my way!"_ She thought to herself. Within 30 minutes she was already there.

Xxxback with Arminxxx

Sasha,Eren and Connie had all went back home a little while ago so Armin was alone again. The nurses had agreed to let him keep Mr Whiskers in the room so long as the cat didn't make a mess. Armin's tummy growled as he laid on his side petting Mr Whiskers. "I'm so _hungry.._ " Armin whined miserably to himself. Even though he had Sasha's food earlier, his sexual sugary bloodlust was making him crave a beautiful woman to eat in every disturbing sense of the word.

"What I wouldn't give to have a pretty lady covered in chocolate right now Mr Whiskers" he said looking through the magazine Connie had brought him earlier. As if on cue, the nurse had knocked on the door."Oh Mr. Arlert! You have another visitor!" She chirped walking in. Armin raised an eyebrow in curiosity. It's 8:30PM in the evening! Who would be visiting him at this hour?

He soon got his answer when the nurse moved out of the doorway, revealing blushing cute little Christa. "I'll leave you two alone" the nurse said smiling and shutting the door behind her."hello again Armin.. "Christa spoke up fidgeting from her spot near the door. Armin looked at her on surprise for a moment before he sat up smirking. _"bonne soirée Christa"_ Armin greeted nodding back at her. He wasn't expecting to have Ymir's little bunny visit him."come closer my dear.." He said petting the spot next to him on the bed.

Christa gulped hearing the young man's request but did as she was told. "Relax french cake, I don't bite" Armin cooed softly sniffing her scent. _"she smells so sweet"_ Armin thought to himself smiling. Just Christa's scent alone was making his sugarlust intensify. He could feel his itty bitty witch fangs throb just a bit in his mouth in excitement. _"calm down"_ He told himself. _"you'll get to eat later"_ he thought shaking the thought away.

Right now he's going to have a little fun with Christa. "Well what brings the little bunny over here hmm? Did Ymir send you?" He asked genuinely curious. "Well..actually.. She doesn't know that I'm here..she thinks I went to go see my mother" she confessed. She then gave her little basket of sweets to Armin."here" she said shyly. "I know it's not as good as your version, but I figured you would like them..I heard it's your favorite"

"F-for me?" Armin asked in mild surprise looking down at the basket. "What is it?" He blinked. He soon got his answer when he caught whiff of a familiar sweet aroma coming from the basket."wait..is this?" Opening the lid he saw Christa's apple pie and cobbler sitting there waiting to be devoured. Anime tears streamed down his face as he saw the beautiful confection. _"It is!"_ Armin thought to himself in joy."Apple pie! _Tarte aux pommes!"_ He squealed. He was so happy to have his comfort food with him he glomped Christa, tackling her to the bed.

"Eep!" Christa squeaked in surprise as Armin sat on top of her kissing her like a entire body went red as he pecked her all over the place on her face. _"Merci Christa! Merci!"_ Armin said thanking her in French. This would definitely satisfy his sweet tooth."you're such an angel Christa!" He cooed. "You're welcome" she blushed. It was embarrassing enough that Armin was kissing her, but kissing her wearing nothing but a hospital gown dangling off his shoulder, and a pair of black and white striped witch stockings was definitely enough to kill her.

"I felt bad about Ymir and I Constantly sabotaging your sweets so I figured this would help make up for it" she explained squirming under him."Oh, it does" Armin grinned."more than you know" he said pecking her face still."meow!" Mr Whiskers said jumping on the bed curling up near Christa."See? Even Mr Whiskers likes you!" He said smiling. Christa smiled and petted Mr Whiskers."I like him he's cute" Christa smiled at the purring kitty."I agree, but you're cuter" Armin said. "Much cuter" he winked.

Christa tried not to have a nosebleed at this. " thank you" she mumbled."Now about those sweets " Armin said getting off of Christa. "Let's have us a little picnic shall we?" He asked taking out Christa's pie. Unlike his version where he makes it in the traditional round shape, he saw that Christa bakes and cuts hers in neat little squares. _"cute "_ he thought to himself. He looked at the pie for another moment then back to Christa getting an idea.

Christa gulped seeing the mischevious look on Armin's face. She knew that face..that was the same look he gave her right before he started using his spatula on her! "let's do away with this shall we?" He said lifting up her sundress and revealing her pink and white striped panties."A-Armin!" Christa squeaked trying to tug the hem of her dress back down but to no avail."what are you doing?!" She said."making a pie" he replied kissing her on the lips again. Christa trembled a bit at this. "Just needs a little bit of my touch is all, then it'll be _perfect_ " he said tugging her dress off completely."just stay still my little bunny" he whispered taking off her pink and white striped bra.

He then gently and slowly pulled down her panties leaving her completely bare. Christa trembled as Armin trailed kisses down her legs as he pulled her panties off."I see you've been thinking of me" Armin purred sensualy looking at her wet hot spot. Christa bit her lip and blushed looking away from Armin snapping her legs shut squeaking. "Don't be embarrassed my little bunny.." Armin cooed coaxing her thighs apart."you have a very pretty body" he said massaging and squeezing her moaned softly at Armin's actions. Ymir wasn't gentle like this with her.

"Now hold still while I make dessert" he said. Grabbing the can of whipped cream he seen in the basket, he used his epic cake decorating skills to draw a whipped cream bikini top and bottom on Christa. Next, he carefully took out three pieces of apple pie and strategically placed them on her breasts and on her nether regions. "Hmmm what should I put next..?" He wondered aloud to himself playfully. Taking a bottle of sugar from the basket,he lightly sprinkled some extra sugar on the flustered girl.

This was possibly the most erotic thing Christa had _ever_ experienced in her 20 years of living. She blushed as Armin then placed three cherries on where he placed the pie squares to top it all off."there! All done!" He said cheerfully. "I got to say Christa, you make a _really_ cute pie" he said pecking her on the cheek. Licking his lips, he leaned down on all fours next to Christa and started nibbling on the slice of pie sitting on her right boob.

Christa moaned softly as she felt the other blonde greedily eat his snack off of her. The more he did this the more aroused she became. Once he gobbled up that slice, he sensualy licked the remaining crumbs and cream off of her."enjoying the attention Christa? " he asked moving to do the same thing to her left boob. Christa moaned and nodded her head in shame as he devoured her breast. Ymir was going to kill her if she ever caught wind of this.

She trembled in pleasure at the feeling of Armin's tongue and mouth eating off of her. He trailed kisses up her colar bone and neck listening to her gasp and moan under him. He then whispered in her ear sending shivers down her spine. "I'm going to have so much fun tasting you" he muttered making her wet. "You're _my_ sexy cute little pie Christa you got that? no one else's" he whispered hotly against her ear.

Christa then mumbled something incoherent."What was that Christa? I didn't quite catch that "He smirked. "you need to use your big girl voice to get what you want" Christa then looked up at Armin with lust filled teary eyes."m-more? Please.." She begged silently. The shotacon just smirked in response as he heard this."getting greedy now aren't we?" The blonde chuckled."well since you're being so polite and saying please" he said.

Christa blushed heavily seeing Armin slip out of his hospital gown, leaving him in nothing but his thigh highs and neck ribbon. He smirked as he seen her reaction."like what you see Christa?" He asked crawling back over her."mmhmm" Christa blushed nodding. "Good" Armin replied trailing kisses everywhere on her breasts."cause I want this to be forever burned into your memory" he murmured kissing Christa on the lips.

Christa boldly opened her mouth and shyly stuck her tongue out, licking Armin's lips. Armin purred taking her tongue in his mouth with his as he kissed her. They stayed like that kissing each other passionately for a moment before Armin broke away from Christa, leaving her a flustered hot panting mess. "You like that?" Armin winked. Christa panted nodding."you taste so sweet..." Christa muttred licking her lips. "Almost like cinnamon buns.." She sighed blissfully.

"Why thank you" Armin smiled. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to finish this little piece of pie that you made for me" he said moving his head down between her legs where he left the third slice of pie at earlier. His little fangs and cock both throbbed in excitement as he stared at the creamy pie covered treat in front of him. Sticking out his tongue, he lapped up and ate the crumby confection making Christa gasp and buck her hips in his he was finished his meal, he licked up the remaining crumbs off of her as if he was giving her a tongue bath.

"Ahh!" Christa moaned thrusting her pelvis in Armin's face. Armin grabbed her thighs, spread them as far as they would go and pinned them there with his hands. Lowering his head and sticking out his tongue, he dug in. Christa moaned loudly as she watched Armin bob his head up and down, pressing his face deeper between the young woman's thighs as he lapped up and ate everything her dripping rose had to offer him.

"Aaah! Armin!" Christa screamed in pleasure. She grabbed and tugged fistfuls of his long honey strands as he continued to greedily slurp up her love juices like a leech. Armin gave a low animalistic growl as Christa began grinding her pink lady senseless against Armin's face. Love juice dripped down his cheeks and chin as he devoured the young woman."Armin! _more!"_ Christa demanded throwing her head back in ecstasy. She was so gone in wasn't even funny.

Armin groaned in pure bliss as she tugged his hair some Himore .switching on his tongue ring, he moaned as he let it vibrate against Christa's pink lady driving her wild. " _YES! .. YES!.. YES! ARMIN...MORE! MORE!_ " Christa howled thrusting her hips in time with Armin's tongue fucking. Armin's Twinkie throbbed and twitched in excitement at the sound of Christa's moaning. Reaching a hand between his thighs, her jerked himself off furiously while Christa rode his tongue.

Christa couldn't take it anymore. Moaning and screaming Armin's name loudly she came furiously in his mouth, while he came and splattered his love all over the boring drab hospital sheets, making a white puddle underneath him. His tongue danced around and suckled on her little pink nub as he happily drank her sweetness. Pulling away from her pretty pink, he wiped his mouth on a lace hanky and curled up next to Christa sighing softly.

"Thanks for dessert Christa" Armin cooed purring and snuggling his face in her neck."it was nice" Christa's entire body felt like a lifeless trembling blob of raising an arm, she petted Armin's hair making him purr some more."you're welcome.." She panted."you okay?" He asked looking up at her."yes..*pant* I think so.." She replied wiggling weak a leg."good" Armin said."I wouldn't want you having to use a walker again" he said giggling.

Christa chortled a bit with him but soon started to feel a bit guilty once she remembered Ymir ."But..Armin..what about Ymir? She'll be so upset if she finds out.." Christa said. Armin then gave it her a reassuring smile. "Well then,we have to make sure that she doesn't find out about this won't we?" He said thinking of an idea.""lfrom now on whenever you want to see Me and Mr Whiskers just tell her that you're going on a sabotage mission" he said.

"Okay" she said smiling softly at the idea."I should go now before Ymir gets worried " she said sitting up. "Do you really have to go?" Armin asked watching her put her clothes back on. Christa looked back at Armin and immediately almost felt bad. She blushed again as Armin looked up at her with big pleading blue eyes as if silently begging her not to go. As if that wasn't enough, Mr Whiskers leapt off the bed, scampered over to her and started brushing himself up against her leg, purring and meowing loudly while giving her the same pleading look not to leave.

Truth be told, Christa _really_ didn't want to leave, but she knew Ymir would be wondering about her soon. Smiling softly, she picked up Mr Whiskers and set him back down on the bed next to Armin."it's okay, I'll be back to see you the first chance I get okay?" She said pecking the fellow blonde on the cheek. "Mmkay.." Armin nodded blushing.

Pulling the blanket over Armin and Mr Whiskers, she pecked them both on the forehead and quietly walked out into the hallway, leaving Armin and Mr Whiskers alone once again. "Meow!" Mr Whiskers mewled happily. "I know, I like her too.." Armin sighed holding his kitty close like a teddy bear and touching The cheek that Christa kissed a moment ago.

The moment Christa shut the door behind her, she noticed three nurses huddled together outside Armin's room with their ears pressed up against the wall. They were all blushing and covering their noses with tissues. They had obviously overheard what her and Armin were they saw Christa come out they immediately removed themselves from the wall. "Oh! Um..hello.." Christa said waving awkwardly and giving them all a nervous laugh.

They all have her a smile and waved back as she continued her little walk of shame down to the lobby and out the door. Once they were sure she was gone, they all frowned."Lucky _bitch_ " one of them scowled in a jealous tone. The other two nurses nodded in agreement.

(A/N: well folks that was another chapter of the totally weird and bizarre FanFiction, Black Widow Bakery! Well people it looks like our Christa has fallen for our little deranged coconut! Will Ymir ever find out? Will Armin ever stop freaking eating people? Hell, will he try to gobble up Christa too and turn her into a wedding cake all for his murderous sweet tooth addiction? Tune in next time for another chapter of the totally odd but delicious Horror/Comedy "Black Widow Bakery"!)


	10. Chapter 10

(A/N: Welcome back to Black Widow Bakery my loves! Last time on Black Widow Bakery, we saw our crazy blonde anti hero and his arch rival's assistant, Christa do a little bonding with each other in the hospital ! How sweet is that? Now Armin wants Christa, Christa is in the closet about wanting Armin, and Ymir still wants Armin's secret formula! But before we check back in on these crazy kids, let's see how Sasha Chan is doing with her restaurant hmm?)

Chapter 10 Pony Pie anyone?

Blood curdling screams could be heard in the basement of Sasha's restaurant as she backed one of her poor customers up against a corner. The tall dark haired male sweated and peed himself in fear as Sasha advanced closer to him with a large butcher knife in her hand."no! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" the young man cried pitifully as he peed his pants some more. "relax silly,I'm not going to kill you!" Sasha chirped smiling psychotically."y-you're not?" The tall man asked quivering.

"Of course not! I'm just going to use your body to make yummy delicious stew!" She exclaimed. "Now hold still please, I need to get this juust riiigghhhtt" she said holding up the blade _"HELP! HHEEELLLPP!SOMEBODY HELP M-"_ _SLASH!_ Blood splattered everywhere as Sasha violently slashed the man's throat.

Making absolutely sure the man was dead, she stabbed his torso a few times for good measure. Once she was done with that, she Undressed him, skinned him, trimmed the corpse's fat, gutted his organs out and butchered him up. Chopping him into pieces. Once she got that out of the way, she went back upstairs to go cook the man's meat.

While she let the seasoned cadaver meat sizzle in her pan, she went upstairs to go clean herself up and put on some tight fitting blue jeans and a sleeveless pink blouse. It was at that moment when she heard her boyfriend come through the door. "Hey Sasha! Armin's back!" Connie said in excitement. "wow that was fast! Where is he?" She asked."he's out front with his creepy cat" Connie replied. "Come on!" He said pulling her downstairs. Armin was currently slurping down a fresh smoothie while chatting with Eren.

"Hey Armin! You look nice today!" Sasha said smiling at her favorite friend/customer. "Why thank you Sasha!" Armin said straightening out his fancy big black and white striped bow tie. He wore a white long sleeved lolita blouse with black ruffles and lace , A black and white striped vest and matching black and white striped mini shorts that also had black lace decorated on them. A black clip on top hat sat on top of his head."did you guys still want that blackberry pie and cheesecake I promised you guys yesterday? " he asked.

"Sure!" Sasha beamed happily. She _loved_ Armin's sweets! "Okay, I'll be right back!" He said. hopping off his stool, he went across the street to his bakery with Eren and Mr Whiskers following suit. "I'm so glad to be out of that hospital, those hospital gowns were _itchy!_ " Armin cringed. "At least you got to be around some cute nurses" Eren replied. "true, but I'm just happy to be back ho-" before Armin could finish his sentence he was tackled to the ground by a girl with humongous pink curly hair, knocking the wind out of him.

"ARMIN!ARMIN!ARMIN!ARMIN! YOU'RE REALLY BACK! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!? I HEARD YOU WERE IN THE HOSPITAL-" Armin clamped a hand on the girl's mouth making her shut up. Her pink pony ears twitched in a happy hyper manner as she sat on top of Armin."ugh..Bonjour Pinkie Pie.." Armin groaned sitting up. Pinkie Pie was one of Armin's regular customers that came to his bakery quite often. She loved his birthday cakes, cupcakes and donuts the wore pink overalls with the legs cut off at ass length so it showed off her balloon cutie mark with a hole in the back for her pony tail to pop out and a yellow tank top underneath. She wore pink lip gloss pink nail polish and pink sandals giving her a cute summer look.

"Damn Pinkie give him some air, he _just_ got back after all" Eren grunted prying the pony girl off of him. "Thanks Eren" Armin muttered brushing himself off."Hee hee sorry! Got a little carried away is all" Pinkie chuckled in a cheerful manner. "It's okay" Armin replied smiling."you want the usual right?" he asked."YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!" Pinkie squealed bouncing in a happy hyper manner making Armin giggle. "Okay, come in, I was about to open up shop anyway" he said unlocking the door with his keys.

As he was getting Pinkie Pie seated in his shop he couldn't help but notice how much the pony girl's hair and tail resembled cotton candy. "Here you go Pinkie, I'll be back with your order I'm a sec mmkay?" He smiled."Okay!" She smiled. Bouncing in her seat and taking out her phone, she started talking to her friends Rarity and Rainbow Dash, popping their ears off as she waited for her then went to his oven and pulled out some freshly baked cupcakes.

By the time he came back with Pinkie Pie's order, he noticed that Rainbow Dash and Rarity had came in and joined her at her table as well."hello ladies" Armin smiled sweetly at them."Sup?" Rainbow nodded."Armin dear you're looking Marvelous as always darling" Rarity smiled. Rainbow dash's rainbow hair was styled in a spiky punk like ponytail with her blue pony ears pierced up. She wore tight skinny jeans,rainbow colored converses, rainbow suspenders and a baby blue T shirt that revealed her cleavage and pierced belly button. Her blue Pegasus wings stuck out in the back.

Rarity on the other hand, wore a fancy lavender sun hat, a fancy lavender dress with a white sash tied around it, a white ascot and milky white glass purple hair and tail was styled in elegant curls."thank you Rarity" Armin smiled."what can I get you two?"he asked taking out his notepad."iced tea and cherry cheese crêpe for me dear" Rarity said."Excellent taste Rarity" Armin muttered."just gimmie a cheesecake " Rainbow Dash said kicking her legs up on the table and laying back in the chair.

"Okay" Armin replied ripping out the note and taking it to Eren "order up Eren!" Armin said giving it to the boy."sir yes sir!" Eren replied fetching the sweets. "I'll be right back okay ladies?" Armin said smiling at the three pony girls."of course darling take your time" Rarity said taking out a fancy fan and fanning herself.

Going over to the nearby windowsill, he carefully grabbed the remaining cheesecake and blackberry pie that Sasha had wanted. Once he did that, he walked out of the bakery and headed back over to "Sasha's Bistro".

"BABY BACK RIBS!" He heard Connie say from across the street."GET YOUR BABY BACK RIBS PEOPLE!" he continued."For a limited time only Sasha's Bistro will be serving hickory smoked baby back BBQ ribs for the summer! Perfectly grilled and seasoned to perfection!Get them while they're still here folks!""Hey Armin!" Connie smiled seeing the blonde. Him and Sasha sat outside cooking baby back ribs on her grill.

"it's about time you came back here!" Sasha beamed spotting the treats Armin brought. "Hee hee, sorry..I got a bit sidetracked " Armin said sheepishly."here you go!" He said handing it over to the brunette. "Thanks Armin!" Sasha said in delight. She was so happy she was practically drooling! "Well, I better get back to Eren, I don't want to leave him with those girls all by himself" he replied. "See ya!"

"Bye Armin! I'll make sure to save you some ribs!" Sasha waved watching the blonde leave. As he left the shop, he noticed Christa in "Fantasy Pastry" spraying and cleaning off the windows. "Hmm I wonder how she's doing over there?" Armin muttered to himself. He blushed and smiled a little as he thought about Christa some more. Getting ever so curious, he started making his way over to her.

XxxwithChristaxxxxx

Christa sighed to herself dreamily as she rubbed the washcloth repeatedly in circles against the already clean window. The memory of what her and Armin were doing last night stayed stuck in her head. His taste, his touch, his teasing, his gentleness, that French..that _cutie mark_..she wanted more! "And he smells so nice and sweet.." Christa mumbled to herself out loud. "Why thank you bunny" she heard a familiar voice say from behind her."eep!" The petite woman squeaked in surprise.

Turning around, she saw Armin smiling at her." _Bonjour Bunny"_ the male lolita giggled softly. "Need some help?" He asked."oh! Um that's alright, I think I got it" Christa replied looked up at the window and noticed that she actually missed a spot."wait, I think you missed a spot" he replied. "Here, hand me that rag real quick?" he asked holding his hand out to Christa. Christa nodded and handed the damp cloth and spray over to the boy.

Armin then stood on his tippy toes and started cleaning the spot Christa had missed. All the while he was doing this, Christa was silently checking him out from behind blushing. Those itty bitty lolita shorts really did very little justice in covering him up."it's rude to stare Christa " Armin smirked looking over his shoulder at her catching her gaze."oh no I wasn't staring!" Christa denied quickly shaking her head."there was just a butterfly sitting on your cupcake is all" she said "Surreee." Armin snickered in a teasing manner squeezing out the rag.

"So all jokes aside little bunny, I was wondering.."He started."Y-yes Armin?" Christa asked genuinely curious. "Well..I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime today?" He asked."I really want to pay you back for that nice pie you baked me..it was a really thoughtful gesture " he said."and I enjoy your company too." He admitted. Christa thought about it for a moment and blushed. It _would_ be nice to get out and get to know Armin a little bit more."okay " she agreed. "I'll see if I can find a way to get out today" Armin perked up a bit and smiled a little at this."great!" He said. Armin then leaned over and pecked Christa on the cheek smiling.

" _Je vous vois plus tard, mon petit lapin!"_ Armin chirped walking away."w-what did you say? " Christa called back."I said I'll see you later my little bunny!" He repeated in English this time. A moment later Ymir could be seen popping her head out of the front door watching Armin leave with her mouth wide open in shock."Christa baby you are a GENIUS!" she said popping out completely and glomping Christa."R-really? I am?" She asked."hell yeah! Getting chummy with Strawberry Shortcake so he can spill his secret formula to you! Why didn't I think of that!? Keeping your friends close but your enemies closer! GENIUS!"

Christa smiled sheepishly and just grinned nervously. "Eh heh heh right..That's exactly what I've done.."

Xxxback at Black Widow Bakeryxxx

Armin made his way back to his shop in deep thought about what he wanted to give Christa in return for that pie. _"It has to be something really good...but what should I make her?"_ he wondered. His thoughts soon ceased when Eren stopped him at the door. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you" he said nervously. "What? Why? What's wrong?" Armin asked raising an eyebrow. "Eh heh heh..well you see,your mom is here" Armin's eyes widened in alarm now at the sound of that. Walking past Eren, he saw his customers gathering around his mother with hearts in their eyes as she showed everyone his baby pictures smiling.

"And this is when he was in kindergarten wearing pull ups and braces! It took forever for the poor dear to get potty trained.. " Caroline cooed."he had a very weak bladder" she whispered."AAAAWWWWWWW!" The girls in the shop replied."OH MY GOD!" Armin screeched totally mortified. Caroline stopped and turned towards the direction of her son's outburst."My little baby!" Caroline squealed seeing Armin in the doorway. Rushing over to her son, she enveloped him in a hug, squishing him with her large breasts. She wore a blue sundress with white polka dots, a sun hat, blue pumps and some lipstick. Her ridiculously long blonde hair was down and in waves.

"It's nice to see you too Mommy" Armin muffled out still sandwiched between his look a like's bosom. "Ohhhh just look at my precious doll!" Caroline squealed. "It seems like yesterday you were sitting on your hello kitty potty playing with your little easy bake oven, and now look! My little doll is running his own shop!" she smiled."your grandpa and I are so proud of you!" she said squeezing him tighter in her embrace.

Giggles could be heard throughout the shop as Caroline did this."Mum! You're sq-squishing meee!" Armin croaked losing oxygen. Eren pried the blonde out of Mama Arlert's bear hug."so what brings you here ?" Eren asked."Armin's grandpa and I figured it would be nice to visit the town and-" she stopped mid sentence however, when she took another good look at Armin's outfit."ARMIN _ARLERT!_ " Caroline yelped "what on _EARTH_ is your _FANNY_ doing hanging out!?"

"Aw Hell.." Armin muttered. Eren snickered as he watched Caroline pull out a ruler and hold it up against Armin's lolita shorts. "THESE ARE ONLY FOUR INCHES LONG!" She said."you go upstairs right now young man and put on some decent _respectable_ clothing!" She said. Not wanting to hear anymore of his Mom's two cents, he grumbled as he made his way upstairs to change into something else. "The poor boy is going to catch a cold if he keeps going out like that" Caroline muttered to herself.

Two minutes later, Armin came back downstairs wearing baggy blue jean overalls and a white long sleeved thermal shirt, feeling totally butt naked and exposed without his lolita get up on."awwwwwwww!" The customers whined. They were clearly disappointed with how Armin wasn't showing any more skin, but still thought he looked adorable nonetheless. Rarity on the other hand, was bawling and sobbing in outrage at the outfit over at her,Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash's about a fashion disaster.

"Much better!" Caroline chirped." Well, I better go back over to your Grandpa's and see if he's alright so i will see you two boys later" she said."goodbye Eren" she said pecking Eren on the forehead making him blush."goodbye sweetie pie" she said kissing Armin on the forehead while tickling his side's making him giggle."bye Mom" Armin replied."Keep up the good work!" Caroline replied taking a cupcake and heading out the door.

"Hey Armin.." Eren started. "Say something sexual about my mom Eren and I pray to all holy Maria I will rip your ding a ling off and put it in Mikasa's and Mr Whisker's cat food" Armin warned. Eren immediately Shut up and went back to work while Armin just chuckled in amusement going back upstairs to change back in his other outfit.

Xxxxthree hours laterxxxxx

The tea shop was slowly starting to thin out leaving only a few women, Armin, and Eren in the shop left. Armin was busy scrubbing tables while Eren handled the cash register. Mr Whiskers and Mikasa sat in one of the plush love seats in the restaurant with Mikasa playing and pawing at her little red kitty scarf and Mr Whiskers playing with his toy mouse. As Armin silently scrubbed in circles he was still wondering about what to make Christa.

"I should make her a cake.." He mumbled to himself. _"But what kind of cake?"_ He thought. As he thought of what kind of special treat he wanted to make her, his gaze fell on Pinkie Pie, who was giggling silently to herself while enjoying some more of Armin's cupcakes. If you looked really closely at her, you could tell she was getting a bit hyper and feeling the effects of the tastey sweets. A light bulb appeared over his head as he got an idea.

"Hey Pinkie Pie!" Armin chirped smiling.

Pinkie got up and bounced over to Armin with a happy hyper smile on her face."Yeah Armin?!" she asked. "Want to play a little game with me?" He asked."OH MY GOSH YES YES YES I LOVE GAMES!" she squealed."sweet, it's called pin the tail on the pony" he smiled sitting up and leading her to his upstairs apartment."ohhh awesome! How do you play?"

"Oh don't worry, you'll see..." The blonde smirked evilly locking the door.

(A/N:NOOO PINKIE PIE DON'T DOIT DAMMIT! RUN! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CANNN! Er *ahem!* that was Chapter 10 people! :-) watch out for Chapter 11!)


	11. Chapter 11

(A/N: hello folks! Before we get started, lets take attendance and make sire everyone is here and acciunted for, shall we? Connie?

Connie: SUP ladies!?*salutes*

LolitaArmin129: EREN!?

Eren: HERE! *smiles cockily saluting*

lolitaArmin129:Mikasa?

Kitty Mikasa: Meow*sits up on hind legs and salutes in kitty form*

LolitaArmin129: Sasha?

Sasha:present!*munches on potatoes and fried chicken happily*

LolitaArmin129:Christa?

Christa:*looks up from cell phone blushing hotly*h-here?!

LolitaArmin129:why are you blushing?

Christa: No reason!*quickly deletes nude selfies of Armin in her inbox*

LolitaArmin129:Ymir?

Ymir:ayyeee sup bitches?*wraps arms around Christa*

LolitaArmin129:Armin?..*cricket cricket* anybody see Armin?

Eren:he's still in his dressing room

LolitaArmin129:*knocks on Armin's door* Armin Kun? We're ready!*opens door*WHAT THE HELL!?

Armin:*Armin has MistressOfFire tied up, gagged and sitting in her lap seductively*: so Mistress..would you like to be a chocolate cake?*licks her neck making her blush hotly*

MOF:mmf!mmf!*is struggling in the chair*

LolitaArmin129:OMG NO! BAD ARMIN !WE DO NOT EAT THE MISTRESS!*pulls Armin off of her*

Armin:but she looks so cute and _sweet!_ Hey..so do you..*licks lips hungrily*

LolitaArmin129:*blush*more of Armin being a creepy ass slutty sugar siren? CHECK! ON WITH THE STORY!)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 11 Pinkie pies and handcuffs

Armin's left eye twitched dangerously as Pinke Pie bounced on his bed. This chick had been up here in his apartment for thirty minutes now and she was _still_ bouncing off the walls wrecking the place speaking gibberish ."Pinkie" Armin said losing his patience."We can't start the game with you bouncing all over the place" he started.

Pinkie was so sugar high she couldn't stop."BUTARMINI'MJUSTSOHAPPY!I'MUPHEREINYOURROOMABOUTTOPLAYWITHYOUANDI'MJUSTSOHAPOYANDEXCITEDAND FULLOFJOY!" She jabbered on."Oh are you?" Armin asked."YUP!YUP!YUP! I'M REALLYREALLYHAPPY!" Pinke squealed. That was all Armin needed to hear.

Smirking he walked over to his bed where Pinkie Pie was at."hey Pinkie, do you mind Pretending to be a seat cushion for me?" He asked sweetly."SURESURESURE!ANYTHINGFORYOU!" Pinkie replied .staying still, she lied on her back grinning happily. Armin then jumped up and plopped down right on her face, sitting on her nose and mouth.

Pinkie jabbered on in excitement under Armin's butt."WOW THIS IS FUN! YOUR BOOTY IS REALLY SOFT AND FIRM! DO YOU EXCERCISE IT FEELS LIKE YOU DO! IT'S SO HUGE AND-" Pinkie Pie stopped talking however when she slowly started losing oxygen. "A-Armin..can't... Breathe!" Pinke choked suffocating.

"That's the point" Armin said smiling and looking down towards Pinkie's blue face."it's quite a shame really, you were one of my favorite customers " he cooed."but don't worry, I'll make sure to turn you into the best cake _ever_ for my soon to be girlfriend! " he said smiling in glee.

Pinkie wheezed, thrashed, and gagged underneath the blonde's ass. Within minutes her body finally went limp, dead and lifeless underneath Armin. Getting up, he dragged her off of his bed and shoved her in his closet, piling some extra silky frilly clothing on top of her to hide her from view before shutting and locking it.

"I'll save you for when I close up shop tonight my little pony" he giggled to himself quietly. Once he was done with the deed, he went back downstairs to see Connie and Eren talking to each other. It was after hours now, so it was just them."hey guys" Armin smiled to his two friends. "And just what were you doing up there?" Eren asked.

"Had to take a shit" Armin lied."what are you guys talking about? " he asked."we're talking about that totally hot _babe_ outside your shop!" Connie replied."check her out!" He said pointing towards Armin's Windows. Following Connie's gaze, he spotted a police officer parking her motorcycle next to a police car with two men, presumably her comrades, sitting In There. _"well what do we have here?"_ Armin thought to himself as he laid eyes on the policewoman.

Xxoutside with the policexxx

"Okay guys just to make sure that we're not going to fuck this investigation up like the other two cops did, _I'm_ going in there and asking all the questions got it?" The policewoman scowled. She wore her blonde hair up in a bun, the standard black police uniform with her cleavage out, pink lipgloss, and black tinted sunglasses. Officer Leonhart was her name.

'How come _you_ get to do all the work!?" A tall dark haired nervous looking police officer pouted."yeah!" The blonde buff policemen next to him chimed in. Officer Hoover, and Officer Braun were there names. "Because out of the three of us _I'm_ the one that manages to get the job done!" Officer Leonhart snapped. "Now sit back, relax, and eat your fucking donuts while I do a little interrogation" she said hopping off her motorcycle and into Armin's bakery.

Connie and Eren eyed Officer Leonhart intently as she strolled into the shop. Connie, being the hormonal dumbass he was, wolf whistled loudly in her direction. Officer Leonhart snapped her head towards the source of the noise, strolled over to the two men, and slapped Eren across the face _hard. "OW!"_ Eren yelped holding the right side of his face. Armin had to quickly punch himself in the ribs to keep from laughing.

"Fucking pigs.." Officer Leonhart growled under her breath. "You're the owner of this shop I presume?" Annie asked cooly walking towards Armin. "why yes I am!" The blonde coconut nodded."How may i help you? May i interest you in some home made chocolate turtles?" He offered pulling out a tray of heart shaped chocolates.

Officer Leonhart looked at the chocolates and back to Armin. "I _hate_ chocolate" Officer Leonhart replied bluntly. Armin's mouth hung open with a shocked expression on his face. "But _every_ llittle girl loves chocolate!" Armin shot back in defence."well I'm not a little girl cupcake, I'm a woman" Annie replied. "That you are.." Armin smirked licking his lips hotly."but even grown ladies like yourself are allowed to partake in sweet things every once in a while" he said."come on..just a taste?"

Officer Leonhart blushed for a moment before regaining her cool composure. Looking down at the turtles, she picked them one up and inspected it."what the hell? You only live once" she grunted popping one in her mouth. Almost immediately a combination of what she could only describe as strawberries, sex on the beach,and chocolate erupted in her mouth.

Armin watched in satisfaction as a deep red blush spread across Officer Leonhart's face. He could already tell that the chocolate was taking effect. "A-ahem...Anyways, I'm here on official business " she said regaining her composure and pulling out her police badge."I'm sure you've noticed by now that a bunch of women plus two other cops have been coming up missing.. We're beginning to have reason that someone in this vincinity has been snatching them up...any thoughts or ideas about that?" The policewoman asked.

"Ahh yes" Armin said taking a chocolate turtle and popping one in his mouth."it's quite unfortunate how all these pretty ladies keep going missing " he said sadly."I hope whoever is behind it gets caught " he said faking a look of innocence. "Hmmm you want to know what I believe sir?" Annie started."something tells me that you know alot more about what I'm asking you then what you're Letting on" she said taking off her sunglasses.

"Oh really?" Armin asked taking another chocolate and popping it in his mouth. "What makes you say that?" He asked. "Because it's always the cute, innocent looking ones that do the most devious shit" Officer Leonhart explained."and you seem to fit that description perfectly " Armin gasped and pretended to look offended. "Why _me?_ Devious?! Ofcource not!" He said."I'm an _angel!_ " Armin winked .

Officer Leonhart blushed again looking at Armin as she started feeling the full effects of his candies. Silently mashing her thighs together, she turned towards Eren and Connie. "Both of you get the fuck out! I need to have a private interrogation with your little friend over here" she ordered. "Hey! You're not the boss of us!" Eren snapped. "Now now Eren, let Mommy Armin talk to the nice police officer while you two kids go play outside" Armin giggled.

"Why the fuck does he _always_ gets the girls!?" Connie mumbled as him and Eren grumpily left the the two men left, Annie turned her attention back to the blonde man in front of her with an odd glint in her eyes."so You were saying officer?" Armin purred. Annie couldn't take it anymore. Losing all form of self control, she jumped over the counter tackling poor Armin to the ground.

"You are under arrest!" Annie grunted blushing and ripping his black vest and silky white shirt open exposing the skin underneath. "Anything you do or say will be used against you in the court of law!" she barked sitting on top of Armin and pointing her gun at him. "Now drop those slutty ass stripper shorts _now!_ " She ordered.

Xxwith Officer Braun and Officer Hooverxxxxx

"How do you think it's going in there?" Officer Hoover asked Officer Braun. The buff cop took a swig of a cigarette and puffed it in boredom."i don't know, but maybe we should check on her just to see if she's okay" Hoover just looked at Braun raising an eyebrow. "You _really_ think _Annie_ of all peopleis in trouble?" He asked skeptically.

"I don't know I just got a weird feeling.." Officer Braun mumbled. "Hey?.. You hear that?" He asked."hear what?" Officer Hoover replied. His eyes widened as he finally caught on to what his companion was hearing. "Is that... _moaning!?_ " He blushed hotly. "You don't think she's..?" Officer Braun immediately got out of the car with Officer Hoover following suit.

Entering the bakery, they heard the sounds of giggling, moaning, and soft sucking behind the counter making both of the policemen's noses bleed. "What the fuck..?" Officer Hoover blushed. Daring to look over the counter, he was met with a dirty scene. Armin was wearing Officer Leonhart's police hat and badge giggling and moaning while Annie..or well..what was formerly known as Annie was bent over moaning hotly like a pornstar.

Her pants and undies were gone and her uniform shirt was completely unbuttoned revealing her perky bouncing D cups. She was bent over face down, ass up with her hands handcuffed behind her back. She moaned and panted in bliss as Armin pounded into her from behind on his knees while he spanked her with her police baton. Annie screamed in pleasure not noticing her two companions In the room. Officer Braun blushed, took out his phone,and started recording while Hoover just stood in there in shock.

"Mmph am I doing good Officer?" Armin purred bending over her completely and nibbling her ears and neck. "Ahh.. Keep going! That's an order" Annie moaned. Armin smirked devilishly as he spanked her again with her police baton"how badly you want me to fuck you with this officer?" He whispered huskily rubbing the tip of it up against her asshole but not quite going in.

"Fucking God _do me!_ " Annie screamed making the two male cops in the room harden in arousal as they watched. _"Fuck my ass!"_ She howled. Armin smiled wickedly and took the police baton in his mouth, lubbing it up for Annie's backside. The two cops eyes widened as he moaned giving it a blowjob. Once he was done licking the weapon down, he popped it back out of his mouth and carefully slid it into Annie's back door while his cock remained throbbing and hard in her pink lady.

Annie silently screamed as she started to get double banged by both her police weapon and Armin's Twinkie. Anni panted and moaned until finally Annie came on the floor while Armin pulled out and squirted his love all over her back side, lower back and thighs. Annie was a mess. " _ANNIE!"_ Bertholt yelped covering his nose. Annie and Armin froze looking up at the two cops. Well this was awkward..."WE'RE SITTING BORED OUTSIDE AND YOUR UP IN HERE GETTING SOME ASS FROM SHOTA HE-MAN OVER HERE!?" Officer Hoover squeaked. "I..er..um this isn't.. what it looks like.." Annie blushed caught in the act.

"So you _weren't_ just having sex and busting your ovaries all over the place? Cause that's _exactly_ it looked like!" Bert shot back blushing and trying to hide his boner with his police hat."Reiner recorded the whole thing! " Annie's eyes widened in horror"HE DID _WHAT!?"_ Officer Braun blushed harder."well can you blame me Annie you two were fucking _hot!_ " He said looking over the recording again."much better than that porn on the internet "

Armin watched in amusement as Annie got redressed with super speed, snatched her baton, jumped over the counter and proceeded to beat living shit out of Reiner and Bertholt.

Xxxten minutes laterxxxxx

Once Officer Leonhart was done beating the shit out of Reiner and Bertholt, she walked back over to Armin who was back fully clothed again and clearing her throat. "Well! It appears that you are in the clear Mr Arlert" she said putting her sunglasses back on. "Sorry for waisting your time" she said back to her stoic professional demeanor. "Oh not at all! It was nice talking to you Officer Leonhart!" He winked playfully still wearing her hat. It was slightly big on his head so it tilted to the side making him look like a child playing dress up.

Annie blushed,quickly grabbed him by the shoulders, and pulled him in for a kiss. Apparently the chocolates were still having an effect on her, but not as much as it did earlier. After a minute or two she pulled away, leaving Armin wih a slightly dazed expression on his face."er sorry..had to get that out of my system " she said grabbing her two companions by the scruff of their necks and dragging them out of the shop."you can keep the hat, I got another one" she called back.

Armin giggled pleased with his souvenir. He Might just use that for role play. "Good bye!" Armin said smiling and waving to the cops as they left. It wasn't long before Eren and Connie returned to the shop. "Did that hot chick just make out with you!?' Connie demanded. " why whatever do you mean Connie?" Armin replied playfully. "SEE EREN WHAT DID I TELL YOU!? HE'S ALWAYS GETTING GIRLS!" Connie whined jealously.

"You got Sasha" Eren sweatdropped. "yeah bit still!" Connie pouted. "It's okay Connie, you just weren't blessed with my pretty boy swag is all" Armin smirked straightening out his police hat. "Tell me I did not just hear you say pretty boy swag" Eren pailed sweatdropping some more" yup!" Armin replied. "Oh my god no more rap music for you" Eren said.

Armin giggled before letting out a little yawn. "Well guys I have to hurry up and get this next batch ready for tomorrow" he said. "Okay man we'll talk to you later" Eren said fist bumping Armin before taking Connie and heading over to Sasha's place. Once Armin locked the doors and closed up shop, he closed the curtains and went back upstairs where Pinkie Pie's corpse was.

Picking up Pinkie's cadaver, he carefully hauled her downstairs where his cauldron and oven were at and got to work. First he turned on his oven and set it to 500° degrees fahrenheit, then he opened up the oven door and slid Pinkie Pie in there, incinerating her body. Then he went to his cauldron and fired it up, grabbing his cook book and the other ingredients that he needed.

First he poured 2 1/8 cups of purpose flower into the cauldron, then he dumped 2 cups white sugar into the mixture as well. He then put 3/4 cocoa powder in his measuring cup along with baking powder, baking soda, salt, 3 eggs, a cup of milk, vegetable oil and vanilla extract. When everything was in there, he grabbed a huge mixing spoon and proceeded to mix it all until he got s nice thick creamy batter.

Now came his most favorite part. Walking over to his secret cabinet, he opened it up, revealing hundreds of beautiful glass bottles of different sugars, spices, and powders. They all seemed to have a glittery sparkle to them and they all came in lovely vibrant pastel like colors. Taking out a bottle with pale pink sugar, he poured some in there. "A hint of lust.." he murmured capping the bottle. "A snip of desire" he said sprinkling some bluish white powder.

"A truffle of beauty..a dollop of grace.. A touch of confidence" He continued adding more powders "a hint of sensuality and to top it all off, the kiss of a beautiful boy" he finished. Putting on a little peach flavored Chapstick, he puckered up his lips and blew a kiss into the now shimmering cake batter, making a pink heart appear for the last part. He then blew the heart shaped kiss into the cauldron along with the batter, making it glow bright.

Once he was pleased with how his cake batter looked, he looked over to his oven which seemed to be now giving off a faint pink aura to it. This meant that Pinkie's remains were ready to be put into Armin's batter and baked. Slipping on his oven mitts, he walked over to it and carefully opened it up, unleashing a nice sweet aroma from it.

Instead of bloody blackened and charred skeletal remains that you would expect to find after burning a human, all that was left of Pinkie Pie were ashes instead. Unlike normal ashes these remains resembled glowing pinkish white powder. This was how Armin disposed all of his victim's bodies. "I told you you would be a pretty cake.." Armin smiled talking to Pinkie's ashes.

Carrying them to the cauldron, he carefully dumped half of her ashes in there."and to make my already beautiful batter extra lovely..the remains of a beautiful maiden.." He smiled wickedly giggling to himself. Once he did that he put the rest of her ashes into an empty glass bottle to be used for later.

He then got to work and stirred all of the extra stuff up into his batter into it turned a soft shimmery pinkish white color. Dumping it all out into a heart shaped pan,he put it in his oven and waited for it go bake. Thirty minutes later, he came back downstairs from the shower wearing nothing but a frilly yellow apron that said "let's eat!", yellow and white striped thigh highs, and a little chef's hat. Be didn't feel like rummaging through his drawer to slip something on so he just grabbed the first thing he seen.

He smiled to himself in success as he pulled out the heart shaped cake. He then took it upstairs where he proceeded to stuff it cherry pie filling, and decorate it with white creamy icing and drizzled cherries. Once he was done, he stepped back to admire his work. A pretty heart shaped black forest cake proudly sat in front of him on the counter. "Finally done!" He smiled wiping his forehead.

A moment later Mr Whiskers came into the room and spotted Armin's new creation. Drooling and licking his mouth with hungry eyes, He jumped up and yowled, launching himself at the cake. _"MEROWWWW!"_ Armin immediately caught Mr Whiskers in mid air, stopping him from diving into the cake and messing it up. "BAD MR WHISKERS! BAD BAD KITTY!" Armin scolded holding the cat by the scruff of his neck.

"You know damn well that this is for Christa! You want to make a good impression on her don't you?" He asked. Mr Whiskers growled with his fur puffing up, making him look like a pissed hairball with fangs. Pretty human lady be damned! He wanted that cake! "Oh don't give me that look" Armin scoffed still dangling the cat by his neck."here, how about you lick the spoon instead?" He suggested handing Mr Whiskers his mixing spoon that was still covered in batter.

Mr Whiskers stopped yowling and glady took the spoon, running out of Armin's grip and went to go curl up on one of the love seats licking the spoon happily. This made Armin snicker in amusement for a moment before placing the cake in a box and wrapping it up in pretty wrapping paper with an elegant bow on top. He then took the present upstairs with Him so Mr Whiskers wouldn't get to it.

Placing it on his night stand, he pulled back his bed covers and crawled in bed calling it a night. He couldn't _wait_ to give Christa her present tomorrow!

Xxxwithchristaxxxxx

"What a long day!" Christa sighed in exhaustion stepping into her bedroom at wasn't able to get out and see Armin today due to having take care of customers at fantasy pastry but she would definitely see Armin tomorrow. Slipping on a long sleeved night gown, she slipped in bed and started to dream about her and Armin gigglingng and playing with each other in their own sugar coated candy land.

(A/N: well people there goes another weird chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!)


	12. Chapter 12

(Lolita Armin129: Hey everybody!

Audience:HI LOLITA!

LolitaArmin129: at long last I've finally returned with chapter twelve! Not much siren violence in here, mainly just Armin and Christa doing a little more bonding

Audience:yay!

?:well it's about time!

LolitaArmin129:Hm?*looks over to see Christa, Eren and Connie* hi guys!

Connie: hey Lolita ;-) *fist bumps*

Christa:so are you ready to go with the next chapter?polite smile*

LolitaArmin129 :yup! Ready to see your man again?

Christa: *nods*uh huh!*gets a text message from Armin*hm?*checks phone and sees a very surprising picture of Armin with a giant candy cane that even I can't describe cause it's just that dirty XD* O-oh my...*faints with a nosebleed* thump!

Connie:is she gonna be okay?*points to Christa*

LolitaArmin129: hopefully

Eren: hey Lolita..will I ever get a girlfriend in this story too?

LolitaArmin129 : that my dear Eren, is something that currently still remains a mystery ..but for now, on with the story!)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 12 Strawberry blondes and Breakfast Buddies

Christa woke up tehe next morning in a pretty good mood. Getting out of bed, she got up, changed out of her nightgown and went to the bathroom to freshen up. Once she was finished with that, she went to her closet where numerous dresses and cute jeans could be seen hanging from the clothes rack.

Eyeing a yellow polkadot sundress, she took it out and slipped it on along with some yellow pumps. After that she proceeded to style her hair in a nice long braid. Remembering how Armin apparently has a thing for bows she put a matching yellow bow with black polkadots on the end of her braid. Once she was pleased with her appearance, she went downstairs to fetch something from the kitchen.

As she approached the kitchen, she spotted Grandma Lenz awake and at the table, reading a novel and drinking her morning tea. Her parent's however, lived on the other side of town so it was just her and her granny living together in the house."good morning granny!" Christa smiled approaching her grandmother. The elderly woman looked up from her book and smiled at her granddaughter. "Hello dear" Grandma Lenz replied.

The old woman had long gray hair kind silver blue eyes and a face full of wrinkles that crinkled up as she smiled. Grandma Lenz was a sweet caring woman who, unlike most people her age, was very accepting of Christa being bisexual. This caused the younger woman to respect and love her grandmother all the more.

"I see you've been making more treats" Grandma Lenz grinned gesturing to Christa's batch of cookies on the kitchen table."they're really good!" She grinned."So..who's the lucky man?" The old woman smirked raising her wrinkled eyebrows. "P-pardon me!?" Christa squeaked."when I had came to check on you last night I heard you constantly moaning some man's name in your sleep.. Armin or something like that I believe " she replied.

Christa's eyes popped out of her sockets in embarrassment."w-was I really?!" She asked in embarrassment. Granny Lenz chuckled and nodded her head in amusement. "Oh ..My ..GOD!..' The blonde muttered thinking back to the dream she had last night...

~Flashback to Christa's dream!~ 3

 _"Where am I?" Christa blinked looking around. She was in a sweet filled candy land of sorts. It looked like the entire world of "Sugar Rush" "Strawberry Shortcake" and "California Girls" all mashed up in one. It was a very cute and adorable place actually. Looking down she noticed that she was wearing a pink fluffy tutu and ballet flats. The skirt of the tutu was made entirely out of sparkly cotton candy and she had on pink and white striped candy cane leggings._

 _"What in the world?!" Christa muttered taking in her appearance. It was then she heard the sound of soft giggles from somewhere. Looking around she soon noticed what it was. "You look so cute Christa" a familiar blonde giggled. He sat near a candy cane tree licking on a swirly red and green strawberry flavored lollipop. "Very délicieux" he purred in a alluring thick French accent._

 _Christa blushed heavily taking in his appearance._

 _He wore dark green lace up boots with red and white striped candy cane thigh highs along with a silly strawberry red baby bib that said "let's eat!" In cursive white letters tied around his neck. A large red bonnet with white little strawberries printed on them sat perched on top of his blonde head. Other than that the rest of him was nude and fully exposed for Christa to see. He vaguely reminded her of a X rated male version of Strawberry Shortcake._

 _"Well it's about time you joined me Christa" The blonde cooed mischeviouy crawling up to Christa. Christa gulped stuttering wildly at her crush's actions."I was wondering when you would come play with me, I was getting really lonely here" he said wrapping his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist. Upon closer inspection she could see that his cupcake cutie mark was now a strawberry shortcake one making her blush even more."Armin!?" Christa squeaked. "Where are your clothes!?" She asked._

 _"These ARE my clothes silly" Armin said perched in her lap pouting childishly. "You don't like my outfit Christa? I wore it especially for you" he replied smiling. "Y-you did?" The blonde girl asked blushing."mmhmm" the strawberry clad male nodded."i wanted to look as tasty as possible for you Christa" he whispered huskily._

 _Armin smirked seductively and softly rolled his nude pelvis up against Christa's tutu clad one making them both moan. "Armin..s-stop.." Christa moaned feeling the blonde grind against her while sucking on her neck. It was proving very hard to keep her hands to herself now."aww but why?" Armin pouted against her neck."you're just so fun to play with Christa.." He said kissing up her neck all the way to her pink gloss covered lips."such a fun treat..."_

 _A pleasant taste of strawberries invaded her mouth as Armin kissed her. Christa relaxed and leaned into the kiss as his strawberry chapstick mixed in with her cotton candy gloss. She held him tightly in her lap as they continued their little tongue war. Armin moaned as Christa kissed him senseless. He couldn't take it anymore. He pulled away looking at her and panting with dreamy dazed eyes._

 _"Please Christa.." Armin moaned."take me.." he groaned softly grinding his rear and pelvis on her lap in a needy manner. Yep,that did it. Armin had officialy broken the camel's back. Christa had finally snapped. "COME TO CHRISTA BITCH!"she roared pouncing Armin. Giggles and moans could be heard as Christa took full advantage of him right then and there on the Sugar coated ground._

~back to reality with Christa~

Christa immediately shook her head to clear the rest of that fantasy from her mind. "Oh uh him?..he's just a friend" She replied blushing while scratching the back of her head nervously."ahh a friend..that's what I called your grandfather before we popped out your mother" Granny Lenz replied smiling wickedly. Christa's mouth hung open in shock.

"GRANNY!" Christa croaked. She really did not need to know how her parents were made."Oh relax dearie I'm just fooling with you!" she cackled. "Go on now, I don't want to hold you up with anymore of my old stories so have a good day at work!" She snickered. Christa cringed at this for a moment before kissing her granny, grabbing her basket and heading to her car.

"And tell that Armin fellow of yours I said hello!" Granny Lenz called out. "Yes ma'am!" Christa called out from within her car seat. Turning on her radio and buckling her seatbelt, she drove off to her and Ymir's Bakery.

~Fantasy Pastry~3

"Here you go! Please come again!" Ymir chirped as she handed the customer her order. She had on a navy tube top showing off her cleavage, black leather waist length jacket, a black mini skirt and black combat boots today. Her hair was in two low short pigtails today instead of her single one. Her eyes perked up when she seen Christa's periwinkle beetlebug pull up in front.

"Christa baby!" Ymir smiled watching Christa walk in."you're looking cute as hell today" She grinned complimenting her girlfriend on her wardrobe. "Thank you Ymir" Christa smiled laying her basket on the table."ooh what did the wifey bring today?" Ymir sniffed eyeing the basket. "Cookies!" Christa beamed."I spent all night baking them for the shop" she explained.

"Great!" Ymir grinned."the more sweets the merrier!" She then wrapped an arm around Christa's shoulder. "Just wait till we add Strawberry Shortcake's secret formula to our stuff! This place will be twice as packed" Christa's smile faltered a bit as she heard this."y-yeah.." Christa nodded. "So get this, I got a new sabatoge mission for us!" Ymir said with a glint in her eye.

Christa's smile had now faltered completely, turning into a frown."but Ymir, don't you think we've done enough already?..I mean..sending him to the hospital seemed bad enough don't you think? " Ymir's blinked cocking her head to the side in confusion. "Hey now what's this all of a sudden? You're not starting to go soft for Strawberry Shortcake are ya?" She asked. Her eyes nearly turned into slits as she narrowed her eyes at Christa.

Christa fidgeted under Ymir's gaze. "Well no but..it's starting to feel a bit wrong to me" Christa explained. "Like we're hurting him" Ymir's eyes then softened in understanding. "Ooohhh I see" She nodded."Don't worry Christa! It may seem wrong to you now, but once we eliminate Armin and finally become the baking queens of the street it'll be all be worth it!"Ymir beamed."and don't think of it as hurting him..think of it as...permanently taking him off the market!" She grinned evilly.

"His customers! His popularity! The notoriety-the _MONEY_! All of it will be ours! _OURS **! OURS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!"**_ The brunette cackled evilly standing on the counter with dramatic thunder and lightning flashing behind her. Every customer in the shop looked at Ymir as if she were cuckoo for Coco puffs. "Oh boy.." Christa sweatdropped as her girlfriend continued to laugh like a hyena.

~meanwhile over at Sasha's Bistro~

"What the fuck is up with that weird lighting inside Fantasy Pastry?" Eren muttered sitting at one of Sasha's outdoor tables with Connie and Armin."I know man it's freaky looking!" Connie agreed. Connie wore a black and red baseball cap, baggy sweatpants and a black graphic Deadpool T-shirt while Eren was sporting a black and white panda hoodie with the words Jeager Bomb on the back with a T-shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Ymir must be on her cotton pony or something " Armin sweatdropped. He worr the same thing in Christa's dream except instead of the bib, he was wearing strawberry red overalls with the legs cut off at ass length, along with a red and white striped long sleeved shirt underneath to go with it. He suckled on a red and white strawberry flavored baby pacifier as he waited for their food.

"Breakfast is ready!" Sasha popped out joining the guys. All three guys looked at Sasha's food hungrily as she set their meals down. Crispy sizzling turkey bacon, scrambled eggs cooked to perfection, and blueberry waffles topped with strawberries, syrup and whipped cream decorated the table. "Awesome!" Eren beamed. _"Merci Sasha!"_ Armin smiled digging in."tasty plate as always babe" Connie smiled tugging Sasha down into his lap.

"Thanks Connie" Sasha replied flashing her boyfriend a goofy smile while blushing. She wore a burgundy sundress with burgundy Flat sandals and little hoop earrings. Her apron was tied around her waist. "Oh! I almost forgot! Here you go Mikasa and Mr Whiskers" Mikasa and Mr Whiskers sat next to their owners at their own miniature pet sized table.

Mikasa thumped her tail impatiently with her fur slightly puffed up while Mr Whiskers held up a little cat sized knife and fork with his paws. Both cats glared daggers at Sasha waiting to be served! Sasha placed two cat bowls on the table filled with seasoned and grilled blackened salmon. Both felines pounced on their meals gobbling it up.

As the four friends talked and ate their breakfasts, Armin noticed Christa walking out of "Fantasy Pastry" with her another good look at her, he could now see that she had a bit of a troubled look on her face. _"what's up with her?"_ He wondered. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, he got up and walked over to her."hold on guys, I'll be right back!" He Exclaimed.

~Christa!~

Christa frowned to herself over what Ymir said to her just now."why can't she see that what we're doing is wrong?" She wondered out loud. She stopped however, when she felt a pair of hands cover her eyes from behind."guess who?" Armin asked. Christa smiled and soon started playing along."Hmmm is it Apple Jack?" She asked.

"Nope!" Armin replied."guess again! "

"Twilight Sparkle?"

"Nope"

"Strawberry Shortcake?"

"Well...*looks down at his current attire* you're kinda half right?"

"Connie?"

 _"Hell nawl!"_ The baby he man growled.

Christa lost it and started laughing. "Armin!" She finally answered turning around and facing him."finally!" He replied pulling her into a little bear hug. She froze as he buried his nose in her neck and sniffed her scent like a puppy."you made cookies didn't you?" he asked pulling away from her. Christa looked at Armin and back at her basket in surprise.

"How did you know that?" She asked."I have a very keen sense of smell when it comes to sweets" he admitted scratching his head sheepishly."well there goes the surprise.." Christa frowned. "What do you mean?" Armin asked. "well seeing how much you..*blush*..really enjoyed my pie at the hospital, I figured you would like some cookies too " she confessed.

Armin's eyes lit up like a child's in a candy store. _"vraiment?!_ The loli boy perked up. _"biscuits pour moi?!"_ He asked looking at the young woman's basket. Christa nodded trying not to get turned on by Armin's French _."why oh WHY must his French accent sound so HOT?!"_ The small woman thought to herself.

"Well how about I pretend to be surprised anyway?" He suggested. "Then it'll still be one?" Christa shrugged and nodded at the thought "sure why not?" She could use a laugh. "Okay okay hold on" he snickered turning around with his back facing her.

Christa started to giggle at what he did next. Armin then turned back around with an exaggerated surprised face. His eyes were now powerpuff girl sized and sparkling with glittery looking tears and blushing."OH MY GOSH A SURPRISE FOR ME!? OH BUNNY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!" he squealed.

Christa was now in a fit of giggles."yes a surprise for you!" She replied playing along and holding up the basket. "Oh my! Whatever could be in this basket for little old me!?" He asked batting his now giant lashes playfully. Christa was now doubled over in laughter at Armin." Look and see!" She choked out. Armin peered inside the basket and was pretty impressed with what he seen.

It was a whole assortment of fancy little cookies. All of different types and sizes, carefully packed in two large clear Mason jars. One jar had a pretty light blue ribbon tied to it with a cupcake charm hanging on it while the other one had a pretty pink ribbon tied to it with a bunny charm dangling on it. "Oh Christa.." Armin said. "they're so lovely.." He sighed looking up at her and taking the jar with the cupcake charm out. They even had cute little doilies covering the lids!

"Thank you" Christa replied blushing and looking away shyly."but they're not that great.." Armin shook his head studying Christa's work some more. "No Christa, I really mean it" he disagreed."I can already tell just by looking that you put a lot of work and effort into this" he smiled."really? " Christa asked perking up.

 _"Oui"_ he replied. "So much love and care went into these Bunny" he declared."but you didn't even taste one yet" Christa said. "Didn't have to" Armin smiled "like I said, I can immediately tell if someone is really putting work into what they're doing or if they're just half assing" he explained. " but this is definitely the result of hard work!the quality looks beautiful and you went as far as to give all of your sweets cute little shapes and designs!"

Christa was deeply touched by this complimemt. "It makes no difference if it's the best or not Christa, so long as you put all of your love and care into your sweets and you take great pride in it then that's all that should matter" he replied." that's the true secret ingredient to any great pastry Bunny"

"Wow Armin..that's pretty deep" Christa said. "Thanks, I try" Armin smiled."If only Ymir thought that way" she sighed. Oh yeah that reminded him.."so hey, why were you looking so glum anyway earlier?" He inquired. "Does it have anything to do with that loud evil cackling going on in your shop?

The petit girl nodded in response. "Yeah.. Ymir wants me to go on another sabotage mission, but honestly? I don't think I can go through with it anymore.." she explained."I..like you too much Armin.." she confessed. Had he not been in public, Armin would have probably grown pink cupid wings and flew around in joy right then and there, but since he was in public, he simply took her by the hand, and led her over to Sasha's Bistro.

"Armin?" Christa asked in confusion. "where are we going?"

"It's time you get a well deserved break Bunny" Armin replied. "Ever got to sit with the cool kids at school before?" He asked. "No not really" Christa admitted in embarrassment."well you're about to!" Armin smirked.

~with Armin's crew~

"Oh my God is that Christa Armin has with him?!" Eren whispered to Connie in shock. "Looks like it" Connie replied. They all knew Christa was the girlfriend of Armin's arch enemy, so fooling with her would have been a huge no no. You would have to have a lot of balls to think about going near Ymir's girlfriend of all people. "Hey now let's atleast be polite" Sasha chimed in. "She can't be all bad right?"

"Hey guys..mind if we make room for one more?" Armin asked holding Christa's hand."H-hello.." Christa greeted shyly. She hoped Armin's friends wouldn't tell her to get lost. Eren and Connie looked at eachother and smirked in understanding once they noticed the two blonde's holding hands."sure we can bruh!" Connie nodded.

Eren gave Armin a wild shit eating grin when he scooted over and gave Christa some room. Armin blushed at this. He knew good and well that the two boys would be expecting a full report from him after this. "So Bunny, as you already probably know, this angry German over here is Eren" Armin started. "Sup?" Eren nodded."The bald Mexican is Connie" the coconut snickered."now you know damn well I'm only 1/4 Latino tank butt!" Connie snorted. Christa giggled at this remark.

"Don't listen to Shota McAss Baby over here sweetheart, the rest of me is German" Connie smiled patting Christa's hand. "And this fine sexy potato right here is my girlfriend" he said giving Sasha a rough smack on the butt."C-CONNIE!" Sasha yelped blushing in his lap."I am NOT a potato!" "It's nice to meet you guys" Christa chortled. "And this pretty kitty right here is Mikasa!" Eren exclaimed picking the black cat up and showing her to the blonde girl.

"Meow.." Mikasa replied waving a paw at her. "She said hello to you" Eren translated. "Why hello there Mikasa" Christa cooed petting the black kitty. Mikasa closed her eyes in content and purred leaning into her touch."she's beautiful" Christa stated."thanks" Eren replied.

" My mother brought her home from the pet store and gave her to me when I was nine" he stated."she's grown pretty attached to me over the years" he smiled stroking her right ear."she hardly ever leaves my side..hell, had she been born a human she'd probably would have been my girlfriend by now"

"How sweet.." Christa thought to herself watching Eren pet Mikasa."her scarf is really cute too!" She said. Mikasa smiled at this complimemt (Can cats even smile?) And licked her fingers as if to kindly say "thank you". "Thanks, she hates wearing pet collars, so i had just gave her that little kitty scarf instead" the brunette explained."And you already know Mr Whiskers" Armin said gesturing to the white feline.

"Hee hee hi Mr Whiskers!" Christa smiled looking down at Armin's pet. Mr Whiskers looked from his breakfast and smiled at her mewling. "Meow!" Mr Whiskers grinned jumping into her lap covered in crumbs. Armin watched in slight jealousy as Mr Whiskers got on his hind legs and started purring and licking her affectionately like a dog.

"I can be a kitty cat too see watch!" Armin then leaned over to her and started licking her cheek and meowing like an actual cat. "Hee hee good kitties!" Christa giggled petting Mr Whiskers and Armin. Armin purred brushing his face against her cheek pretending to be a kitty."meow! Feed me Bunny!" Armin meowed.

"Hee hee okay! Here kitty!" Christa said picking up a forkful of Armin's pancakes and feeding it to him. "Don't wanna feed him too much Christa, you'll make his butt break the through the chair"Eren giggled."you know what Eren? Kiss my sweet German ass!" Armin retorted sticking his tongue out."nah, I think I'll pass son"Eren chuckled.

"Armin's friends are really funny.." Christa thought smiling to herself. The five young adults continued there little outdoor breakfast in peace as they all talked and joked around. Christa didn't think that she would be this comfortable around Armin's peers, and truth be all told they all seemed to like her as well. After a while, Armin had pulled Christa into his lap and started feeding her half of his meal. She chuckled as she then grabbed his fork and started spoon feeding him as well.

Eren,Connie,and Sasha gave eachother knowing looks and amused smirks as they observed how their shota friend would occasionally giggle and flirt with her. It was cute. Once the two were done popping food into each others mouths, they politely thanked Sasha for the food and walked back over to Black Widow Bakery with Mr Whiskers following close behind them.

"I'll be over there in a minute Sweetie Minaj so don't you two start having sex yet!" Eren yelled sitting Mikasa on top of his head and grabbing his things."Oh shut up pancake ass!" Armin yelled back blushing in embarrassment."Sweetie Minaj?" Christa snickered in a questioning tone."one of my many unfortunate nicknames" Armin explained unlocking the restaurant doors.

Christa smiled once she stepped inside the little Bakery. the soft pastel pink hues And sweet decor of the shop never failed to impress her."would you like some tea Bunny?" Armin asked looking over to the smaller blonde. Christa eagerly nodded at this."yes please" she said sitting on one of the cozy loveseats.

"Okay! _je reviens tout de suite_ " okay this kid seriously needs to stop talking that French to her cause it's going to get him raped one day! "What did you say?" Christa blushed."I said I'll be right back" Armin repeated in English this time."oh okay" Christa nodded. She snuggled into the chair as she waited for the strawberry clad boy to return.

"Is Honey Nut tea okay!?" She heard Armin call from the kitchen."sure!" She replied. A moment later Armin could be seen with a tray of two fancy tea cups and a fancy steaming teapot with a pitcher of cream next to it. "here we are Bunny" Armin smiled pouring her a cup of tea."thank you" Christa replied. "what a gentleman.."

 _"pas de problème..."_ Armin cooed. "Think of it as an apology for how i treated you the last time you were here..I didn't intend to send you back in a wheelchair.." he said looking down and scratching his head sheepishly."I guess I took it a little bit too far" grabbing a cup of tea, he sat down next to her.

"It's okay" Christa replied sipping her tea."It wasn't so bad.." she blushed thinking about Armin's spatula. "And to be fair, I did try to sneak in here uninvited and steal your recipe.." she said."so again.. I'm really sorry.." Armin smiled and patted her back."Merci bunny, I really appreciate that, and don't be, you were just trying to do what you believed would make Ymir happy right?"

Christa nodded."yes.. but.. it doesn't make me happy though" she confessed looking down at her cup."I like working at Fantasy Pastry because I love to bake for the fun of it..but there are times when I believe that Ymir is really just in it for the money.." Armin really couldn't help but feel for her. "Look Bunny, I know this isn't my place to say, but if she really loves you, then she wouldn't be making you do all of her dirty work for her.. you're too sweet of a person to be used like that" Armin declared rubbing her thigh. "I know.." the petite maiden sighed.

"Truthfully, I really want to just break it off with her altogether and not deal with it anymore but.." she hesitated."you're afraid of hurting her" Armin finished. "Afraid of breaking her heart right?" Christa bit her lip and nodded. "yeah" she admitted. Armin put a little bit of cream into his tea and stirred it around a bit in thought."that's more than understandable Bunny.." he replied.

"You're a good natured person at heart, who's caring about other people's feelings and will always put others wants and needs before your own desires" he continued."and truthfully _bébé_? That's both a respectable and dangerous trait" he concluded." Really? How so?" Christa wondered looking up at Armin now.

"Cause unfortunately Bunny, there are alot of people out here that will take your kindness for weakness" he explained."being nice is okay and all, but every sweet rose needs to learn how stand up for herself and grow some thorns once in a while" he said. "Otherwise her pretty petals are going to get trampled on" he said brushing a strand of her hair back.

"Thank you Armin.." Christa blushed. "I really needed that" she said hugging him. Armin's heart skipped a beat at this. "Hey? You know what else you need?" Armin asked. "What?" The blonde male sprung up from the chair and went upstairs to go fetch something. A moment later, he could be seen coming back down with a beautiful little box covered in wrapping paper.

"What is it?" Christa wondered."open it and see" Armin smiled cuddling next to her in the chair. Christa did as she was told. A beautiful little heart shaped black forest cake looked back up at her. It was so gorgeous she was afraid to touch it. "Is this really for me?" She asked taken aback by the carke's beauty.

"Oui m'dame" Armin smirked. "It's so cute!" Christa exclaimed."Try some with me?" He asked. "It'll make you feel better!" He said. "Sounds good to me!" Christa smiled. Grabbing two spoons, they dug in. Christa felt honored to be tasting one of Armin's creations. "This is so good!" Christa smiled licking cherry filling off of her spoon."thanks, my Grandpa taught me how to make it" the loli boy grinned."it's one of my favorite things to make actually"

"Your Grandpa bakes too?" Christa asked."he used to but now he's retired" Armin replied."he used to own this really nice café in Paris when he was younger back in the back 1950s" Armin explained."he told me his pastries were so good, it made _all_ the French girl's panties drop" he smirked wickedly. Christa blushed and nearly choked on her cake at this."hahaha breathe bunny breathe!" Armin giggled patting her back.

Christa calmed down once she gulped down her tea."better?" Armin asked "better" Christa nodded getting herself another spoonful. Armin was right, this cake really is making her feel better! She didn't know what it was, but she wasn't feeling glum like how she was earlier. She actually felt good inside and at peace with the world! not to mention ..a bit warm downstairs?

"oh! You got some icing on your face" Armin chuckled. It was true, Christa had crumbs and icing all over her mouth like a child."oops! Sorry" Christa blushed covering her mouth."don't worry, here let Mommy Armin fix you up" he said crawling in her lap with a hankey. The girl's blush intensified as he started dabbing crumbs off of her face in a motherly fashion.

It was starting to become a bit difficult to think clearly with his ass brushing up against her lap as he moved. _"Why must he smell so damn sweet?"_ She thought to herself. As Armin tidied her up, all sorts of dirty perverted thoughts invaded her brain again making her lower half feel all the more warm. "You okay? Armin asked in a worried tone. "You're red as a tomato"

"I'm fine" Christa fidgeted. she then started to imagine Armin the way he looked in her , yellow Bob totally disheveled, strawberry bonnet tilted to the side and begging for more. Her eyes glossed over the more she thought about it. "Armin.." Christa said.

"oui lapin de?" Armin asked still sitting in her lap. Yup,That does it.

"Clean it off with your tongue?" She boldly asked. Armin's eyes widened in surprise at this."well shit.." the boy thought to himself. he should have known that cake would get to her sooner or later. "Oui" he smirked. Leaning forward, he blushed and licked the remaining icing and crumbs off with his little tongue.

Christa gave a little moan as he did this. Deciding to be bold again she stuck her tongue out as well getting into another tongue battle with him. Her snaked up his soft thighs to his juicy bum making him moan. "Mmm being a daring little bunny today aren't we?" He purred in between kisses. Christa nodded and gave him a sharp slap on his cupcake making him groan.

"And someone likes their cupcake get getting spanked I see" Christa smirked. Armin groaned In pleasure feeling another stinging slap against his behind."ahhh!..." Armin hissed. His siren fangs twitched in pleasure as she continued to do his mouth over to her neck, he lightly licked and scraped his fangs there making her shiver in arousal .

"Armin.." Christa moaned. Armin snuck a hand up under her dress and felt how damp her underwear was. Slinking downward, he lifted her dress up and eyed his prize." mmph.. moan for me again my bunny" he purred licking over the damp spot."aah! Armin!" Christa moaned again."louder" Armin whispered again. _"Armin!"_ Christa repeated."more" Armin groaned licking and nibbling her panties some more.

"Armi-"

 ** _"DAAAYYYYUUUUUMMMMMNÑNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"_** They heard two voices say in the background.

Armin froze and immediately stopped what he was doing. Christa looked like she was about ready to shit a ton of bricks. His face started heating up in embarrassment as he slowly looked over his shoulder to the doorway.

Eren and Connie were standing right there staring at them!

 _"AWWW! ARMIN! YOU ARE A **GOD**!"_ Connie screamed crying and bringing Eren to the floor with him on his knees. Christa was mortified while Armin just blushed and sweatdropped at this. ** _"GOD I SAY!"_** Connie cried as him and Eren started bowing down to Armin on the fluffy carpet.

"We are not worthy! We are not worthy!" Eren chanted worshipping his best friend.

"THE HELL LONG HAVE YOU TWO DUMBASSES BEEN STANDING THERE!?" Armin shrieked tugging Christa's dress back down so her unmentionables wouldn't be showing. "Since you said let Mommy Armin fix you up" Connie grinned."you bitches better get back to work!" Armin glared holding his spatula up. Christa quickly covered her mouth in a pitiful attempt not to laugh. Armin sounded so weird whenever he cussed."I don't pay you to watch me get my freak on!"

"But the door was unlocked!" Eren giggled.

"I don't even work here!" Connie protested.

"And you don't even pay us at all Mommy Armin!" Eren exclaimed.

"Just help me open up shop before I whoop both of your asses" Armin sighed scowling. "Sorry bout that Bunny" Armin said giving Christa an apologetic look."it's okay Armin" Christa giggled petting Armin's head."today was really interesting" She said getting up."really?" Armin asked. _"Oui"_ Christa winked. And with that she brushed his bangs out of the way, leaned forward, and gave him a kiss on the forehead making his eyes sparkle anime style.

Eren and Connie snickered like high school girls as they watched this in the background. "And thank you for the talk too Armin, I really appreciate the advice" Christa smiled."you're welcome!" Armin beamed."oh and before I forget, hold out your hand for me please" she said."umm okay?" He held out his right hand to her.

Grabbing a marker out of her purse, she wrote her number down on his palm."call me sometime okay?" Christa asked."I really like talking to you" she smiled. "o-okay.." Armin smiled blushing."Bye Eren! Bye Connie! It was nice meeting you guys!" She said walking out the door."mmm and an adios to you too honey" Connie smirked.

Once she was gone, the two boys looked at Armin with evil grins on their faces. "ARMIN AND CHRISTA SITTING IN A TREE!" Connie started.

"F-U-C-K-I-N-GEEEE!" Eren jumped in with his panda ears flopping.

"Oh my God.." Armin groaned in exasperation.

"Hardwood floors or Carpet?" Connie asked.

"Is she a good kisser?" Eren grinned

"Oh my GAWD sthap!" Armin groaned again.

"Oh come on tank butt we just want to know if she wanted a piece of your -"

"CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAKE!CAK-" both boys chanted in unison now.

"Oh my fucki- WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY!?" Armin growled.

(A/N: hahah it looks like Eren and Co nie will never let our poor coconut live this one down! 13 will be here soon, but until then, don't forget to review! X-3)


	13. Chapter 13

Officer Leonhart: okay people we don't know where the hell Lolita is at so we're going to introduce the chapter this time got it?

Officer Braun:yeah!..*snickers* so Annie, gonna give Armin another interrogation?

Officer Leonhart:oh FUCK YOU Reiner!*blush* And where the hell is Bertholt at?

Officer Hoover:*comes into the room screaming*HELLLLLP MEEEEEE!*hides behind Annie*

Officer Leonhart:what the hell!?

Officer Hoover'*gulps pointing to Armin*

Armin:*walks in doing that silly Renge laugh from Ouran with shadow cast over his eyes*honhonhonhonhon! Sooooooo you like to make BBQ huh~?

Officer Hoover:*gulps laughing nervously behind Annie*eh heh heh heyyyyy buddy! you're not still mad about that _thing_ are you?you know that was all just acting right~?

Armin:*giggles psychotically while blushing*oh yeah? Well this is just acting too~!*holds up a flaming glowing hot spatula with an oven mitten and evil glint in his eyes*

Officer Hoover:oh shit..

Armin: please have a cookie and enjoy the chapter while I have a little..."chat"...with Bertholt mmkay ladies?*tosses cookies and blows kisses to all of the female readers and then drags Bert off somewhere* now listen here bitch...

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxzxxxzzzz

Chapter13 Candy Cains & Lemonade

Christa walked back into Fantasy Pastry feeling much better with butterflies in her stomach, among other places. Despite getting caught in the act by Eren and Connie, she can honestly say that she had a nice time with Armin and his friends this morning! _"I hope we get to hang out again soon.."_ the lovestruck girl thought to herself. As she clocked in and put on her apron, she heard her phone vibrate in her pocket.

Flicking the lock off of the screen, she answered it. "Christa speaking!" She chirped answering the phone. _"Bonjour Bunny ~_ " she heard a familiar voice reply back. There he goes with that goddamned panty dropping French of his again! "h-hey.." Christa blushed. He even sounded hot over the phone! "Thank God this is actually you and not some prank number!" Armin giggled sighing to himself in relief."I had to make sure if it was real or not" he explained.

"Ofcource it's real silly! I would never prank you !" Armin smiled On the other end."so hey um...would you like to hang out again with me later?" Christa asked."you mean like on a date!?" Armin beamed."uh huh.." Christa nodded shyly on the phone."it's okay if you don't want to though.." she trailed off twirling a lock of hair on her finger.

 _bien sûr!"_ Armin nodded in agreement. "what did you have in mind?" He asked."How about dinner at Sasha's place at 7:00PM ? I thought her food there was really yummy!" Had there not been customers in the shop, Armin probably would have been twerking for joy on the counter. But instead, he merely just nodded and spoke with hearts in his eyes."it's a date" he replied.

"Okay, well I have to go now and help Ymir!" She declared."see you then.." Armin replied hanging up. Putting his phone away in his pocket, he twirled over to the cash register like a Disney princess humming. "Well well what's got you all hyped up today darling?" Rarity asked walking into the shop.

She was sporting a silver tiny mini dress, silver pumps, silver sunglasses with purple lenses and a purple feathered boa wrapped around her neck. Her curly tail swished behind her as she strutted up to Armin. _"Je suis amoureuse de mon poney~"_ Armin sighed in a dreamy manner while blushing.

"Oh my gosh you're in love!?" Rarity squealed. " _Oh combien belle!_ With who dear?" She asked. "Christa.." Armin sighed again. Rarity gasped in disbelief. _" aucune façon!_ YMIR'S Christa!? Are you _trying_ to get castrated!?" She asked.

"Oh but Rarity! She's like the chocolate to my chips!" Armin sighed."just looking at her makes me all sugary inside!" He declared."aww you really have a thing for her don't you? Does Ymir know this?"

"Yeah.. i really do.. and no she doesnt" Armin replied."but I'm determined to make Christa drop the bitch " he declared. "Oh you minx!" Rarity squealed pinching Armin's cheek. "I know I am~" Armin winked."so what would you like to order today _mon chéri?"_ He asked flipping out his little note pad.

"give me a dozen macaroons, three dozen cream cheese tarts,two dozen strawberry cream cheese fudge brownies,two dozen coconut cream cheese brownies, some pumpkin cream cheese muffins-"

Armin accidentally snapped his pencil and looked up at Rarity in disbelief like she was crazy as she continued her massive order.

"-three key lime pies and a small diet fluffy blueberry cheesecake for me please" the pony woman finally finished flashing Armin a pearly white smile. "What the _fruit_ Rarity!?" Armin demanded. "Are you trying to get diabetes andget constipated at the same time!?" He asked. Rarity was rather obsessed when it came to her beauty

"Oh no darling it's not for _me!_ It's for my models! They get rather hungry after a long day of modeling my outfits!" She explained. Rarity was more than just a fashionista, she was a prominent businesswoman and fashion designer that owned her own clothing lines. The chick was so big got clothing chains throughout Germany, Greece, Paris, L.A, Italy, and Tokyo.

Actually, a good portion of Armin's closet consisted of her lolita clothing line, so needless to say, he was a personal fan of her work. "Ohhh okay, I get it" Armin said sighing in relief and nodding his head in understanding. "Hey Eren!? Can you come out here and help me pack Rarity's order!?" He asked.

Cricket Cricket~

No response

"Eren!?" Armin called out again waiting for the brunette to appear. Mikasa emerged from the kitchen instead and trotted over to Armin."Meow?" The cat asked wondering what Armin wanted. "Oh! Hey Mikasa" Armin replied squatting down to the feline's level."have you seen Eren around? I need some help over here" he explained.

Mikasa sat on her hind legs and pointed a furry black paw in the direction of the kitchen as if to say "he's in there"

"Okay, thanks!" He smiled giving her a treat and patting her head.

As he approached the kitchen, he started to hear wild fits of laughter coming from the inside. "What in the world's going on on there?" He soon found out when he stepped inside and facepalmed.

Connie and Eren were goofing off like a couple of idiots. Connie sported a shaggy bright yellow mop head on top of his dome pretending to be Armin while Eren had some napkins balled up and stuffed in his shirt pretending to be Christa. He wore strawberry pink icing on his lips to make him look like he was wearing lipstick.

Yep, these kids were going to die today. _"I'll give them something to laugh about.."_ Armin thought reaching over to his trusty spatula. He silently stalked over to the two without a word. His shaggy honey tresses shadowed his eyes, covering them from view.

"OH _ARMIN!"_ Eren moaned doing a horrid copy of Christa's voice. "Do me HARDER!" he Joked mocking Christa and squeezing his fake boobs. Connie howled with laughter, cleared his throat and started mimicking Armin's voice.

"Beg for it bunny! Beg for my sugary dick as I lick you down with my fancy French boy tongue!" He laughed speaking in a horrible French accent.

"Mmm Armin!" Eren sighed again.

"Louder" Connie snickered.

"ARMIN!" Eren squealed.

"Hahaha you sound just like her!" Connie replied clapping his hands ."do more do more!" He urged.

Eren then snickered and bent over the kitchen counter squeezing his fake boobs some more."oh Armin I've been _such_ a naughty little girl! Please spank me!"

"With pleasure..." They heard a familiar third voice say.

Oh crap...

Connie shrieked in alarm when he seen Armin pounce on Eren with his spatula like a wild animal! Poor Eren didn't even see it coming. "NO MOMMY ARMIN ~! NOT THE ASS!" Eren shrieked. "YES MOMMY ARMIN! THE ASS!" Armin growled spanking Eren like a child. Once he was done with Eren, he went over to Connie and did the same thing.

The blonde smirked in satisfaction when he was done. Both boys rubbed their butts in pain as Armin put his spatula up. Mommy Armin did not play. "What? You told me to spank you" Armin shrugged smirking like a smartass. "It was just a joke man.." Eren whined. "yeah have a sense of humor" Connie groaned.

"Well would you two please quit messing around and come help me?" Armin demanded placing his hands on his hips."I got a huge order out here and I need help getting it ready "he explained. " Sir yes sir!" Both boys replied saluting to the blonde. Within minutes they had Rarity's order packed up and ready to go in cute fancy pastel pink boxes.

"Here you are Rarity!" Armin smiled handing her her goodies."sorry for the wait" he said. "Oh it's no problem darling~!" The pony woman replied. "You're fabulous pastries are always worth waiting for!" She exclaimed. "Petra dear!? Would you please come here and help me carry some of these boxes to the car for me?"

"Yes ma'am!" A female voice replied. A cute ginger haired woman with light brown eyes and a small petite figure came walking over to the two. She was decked out from head to toe in Hime Lolita fashion. She wore a fancy yellow flower crown on top of her head, a pink puffy Lolita dress with short sleeves, and pastel yellow roses and frills decorating it. A fluffy yellow petticoat could be seen peeking out underneath the dress along with a yellow tight corset around her waist.

To top off her ensemble she carried a cute little pink princess scepter with a yellow flower on top. Needless to say she was adorable! "Armin, meet my newest model Petra Rial! She'll be helping me advertise and model the newest outfits for my loli clothing line!" Rarity explained."isn't she just a doll?"

"Indeed" Armin nodded. " I dare say that she even looks cute enough to eat.." He added looking her up and down. The more he looked at her, the more he could feel his sugar lust trying to resurface but he did his best to ignore it.A faint blush sprinkled across Petra's cheeks at the compliment.

"Thanks" Petra replied picking up a box."your place is really cute!" She said looking around."why thank you ma'am! I work hard to make it as appealing as possible to sweet ladies like yourself" he winked. Petra's blush deepened at this."well come along Petra we have a lot to do today! " Rarity said tugging the ginger's arm.

 _"_ Bye bye~! Please come again!" _"_ Armin smiled. " _She would make a really cute piece of apple pie.."_ Armin thought to himself darkly as he watched the two leave. He would definitely have to remember Petra the next time he was having another sugar lust attack. As soon as the two women left however, another customer arrived.

An extremely large and muscular looking youth who seemed to be only a few years older than Armin strolled into the café wearing a smug flirty grin. "Damn.. there's tits and pussy in this shop for days" he muttered to himself looking around at all the hot girls that were in Armin's young man went by the name of Cain Bismo, the local village flirt and fuck had dark tan skin, and dark slicked back hair. He wore dark brown shades that hid his eyes from view, making it hard to tell what they looked like.

Armin almost wanted to vomit pinkie pie back up just from looking at him. Looking at the buff youth some more, he could see that he was wearing a white beater that hugged his muscles in all the right places, an expensive black leather jacket and some even more expensive tight black true religion jeans.

 _"Fuck boy alert"_ Armin thought to himself while watching the tan youth some more. He grimaced at the sight of him trying to flirt with Apple Jack. "Oh well..fuck boy or not he's still a customer.." Armin sighed grabbing his little note pad and walking over to the man.

"Mmph so you like apples eh baby~" The Young man asked looking at Apple Jack's cutie mark. "If so I can give you all the apples you need~" he smirked gesturing to his crotch area. Apple Jack sneered at the man, covered her cleavage, and slapped the man _hard. "OW!"_ The man yelped covering his cheek. "Hmph!" Apple Jack scoffed walking passed Armin and out of the shop.

"Urgh..I didn't want your country ass anyway you red necked _BITCH!_ " The man called out after her. "Umm excuse me?" He heard a soft voice from behind."hm?" Turning around, he noticed Armin standing behind him with a hand on his hip and a somewhat annoyed look on his face. "And who might you be doll face~?" The young man asked smirking.

Armin wore a tight smile to hide his annoyance and looked up at the man. Now that he was up close to him he could see that he there was a scar donned over one of his eyes. As if a cat tried to use his face for a scratching post or something. "I'm the owner of this bakery good sir!" He said in a overly polite voice."would you like to order something~?" He cooed whipping out his note pad.

 _"Or get the fuck out my shop?"_

The young man gave another smug grin and licked his lips. "Oh yes I would little lady..how about I order a plate of you on your knees with those sexy lips wrapped around my cock?" The young man grinned stroking Armin's face. Armin was about to soak in this man's blood if he didn't cut it out. Unfortunately because of his feminine appearance, Armin would always get unwanted attention from men. The coconut growled and slapped the man's hand away.

"Order something from the _menu_ sir" Armin growled fake smiling through gritted teeth. Armin may be a bit of a tart, but he was a tart with standards. "Call me Cain babe" The man known as Cain smirked. "And just give me a peach cobbler" he said laying back and kicking his legs up on the table.

Armin walked away grumbling and snearing in disgust. _"Must... not... bust... cap.. in ..this fucker's...ASS!"_ As Armin went to go fetch the order, Cain just licked his lips staring at Armin's backside. _"Damn..white girl got an ass.."_ he thought in amusement to himself.

"Something wrong sweetie Minaj?" Eren asked looking at his friend in concern. "I am about to whoop this guy's ass hood style that's what's wrong" Armin angrily replied loading a serving tray with whipped cream and peach cobbler. "Which one?" Eren asked. "That one" Armin replied pointing to Cain. "Ew" Eren cringed. "Fuckboy alert.."

"I know! He even thought I was a girl and started hitting on me!" Armin exclaimed. "Hey I got an idea, if he starts some more shit with you give him some lemonade" Eren winked. "Will do!" Armin smiled. Picking up the tray, Armin scurried back over to Cain's table. "Here you go sir~!"

Armin Said fake smiling again.

"thanks" Cain said munching on the cobbler. "I got to say, you're _really_ cute! Much cuter than that blonde chick at that other bakery" Armin narrowed his eyes at this. "P-pardon me sir?" He asked.

Was he talking about _Christa!?_

"Don't get me wrong babe, she's cute and all, but you got a _much more_ tastier looking ass.." He smirked staring at Armin's butt some more. He then grabbed Armin's wrist and pulled him down in his lap on his right thigh."so..mind giving me a little taste of it?" Cain whispered in his ear. Armin's fangs twitched in anger as he felt Cain rub a finger up and down where his crack would be.

Yep. This nigga had officially fucked up. Not wanting to scare his customers though, he simply just did a rather fake laugh and smiled cutely at Cain. "Ohhonhonhonhon! How about you try something even tastier!? Free lemonade on me~?" He asked.

"A cutie pie with a fat ass serving me free lemonade?" Cain replied. "Sure, why not?" He shrugged. "Excellent~! Be back in a minute!" Armin giggled skipping off into the kitchen. Once he was there, Armin dropped the cinnamon roll act and growled storming over to Eren. "Eren! Hand me that damn pitcher off of the shelf!" Armin demanded.

"Aww yeah! Lemonade time!" Eren snickered scurrying over to the blonde with the pitcher. "Welcome to the tutorial of: How To Make Lemonade with Armin Arlert~!" Armin smirked unsnapping his overalls. Eren giggled in amusement at this. "Hand me that sugar Eren!" Armin smiled tugging his overalls and undies down.

"Here you go!" Eren said handing it to Armin. "Thanks" Armin nodded. First he squeezed some already cut lemons into the pitcher, then he added some sugar, water and ice. What he did next was pretty revolting. Putting the pitcher of lemonade underneath him, he started peeing in it.

Armin hummed and sighed to himself in content as he continued to do this. Once he was finished filling the pitcher up, he smirked and pulled his overalls back on. "And now to mix it all up!" Armin chirped. Grabbing a mixing spoon, he Started to stir the lemonade until it turned a pleasant sparkling yellow color making it appear shimmery in the light.

"Ta-Da! Instant lemonade!" Armin smiled wickedly. Eren was now laughing his ass off at Armin's creation. This actually wasn't the first time Armin had done this. He had done the same trick in third grade with a bully once and needless to say, it worked.

"Be back in a minute~!" Armin said. Walking back out of the kitchen, he headed back over towards Cain.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" Armin giggled smiling at Cain."no prob sexy" Cain smirked."now how about that free drink?"

Armin poured the lemonade into the fancy glass next to Cain and grinned. _"Bon appetit"_ the blonde winked. Cain took a sip of it and nodded in approval. "Damn this is good!" The large man replied."what's in this?" He asked in curiosity while downing the entire glass."ohhonhonhonhon! Well It's a rather personal ingredient of mine sweetie!" Armin cooed."my sweet pee!" He smirked.

Cain froze at this. "... _what!?"_

"My...sweet... _pee..."_ Armin repeated as if talking to a slow Person. And by the way douch bag? I'm a boy" The blonde spat. It took Cain a moment to process this information before he shot up with a deadly look on his face."YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Cain roared reaching for Armin. Armin immediately made a run for it jumping over the counter top and bolted into the kitchen."COME BACK HERE YOU GAY ASS MOTHER FUCKER!" Cain yelled storming into the kitchen.

Armin was currently hiding on one of the top shelves holding a skillet waiting for Cain. Seeing him underneath from where he was perched at, he leaped off of the shelf."surprise bitch!" Armin screeched bashing Cain's head from above with the skillet

BAM!

"Augh!" Cain groaned holding his head. Armin then proceeded to punch Cain dead in the jaw and round house kick him in the gut making him double over and vomit all over the pink and white tiled floor. "gross! I just _mopped_ this floor you _BITCH!_ " Armin growled kicking him in the face with his boot. He then looked over to who was sitting in the corner."Mr Whiskers! SCRATCH!" Armin hissed pointing to Cain.

"MEROWRRRR!" Mr. Whiskers yowled jumping on Cain's face."AAAAUGGGGHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!" Cain wailed stumbling out of the kitchen and back into the bakery. Mr Whiskers clawed and scratched the youth's face as Cain tried prying it off of himself. Mikasa then latched herself onto Cain's leg and started using it for a scratching post as well.

Armin then angrily popped out of the kitchen with a large pot and bashed it in back of Cain's head knocking him into one of the tables. As if all that wasn't enough, Eren jumped in and started squirting a bunch of icing and whipped cream all over the larger male. "Good work Eren!" Armin smirked giving Eren a high five. "No problem~!" Eren grinned sitting on top of Cain. "Now please get this ass wipe out my shop?" He asked."anywhere on the curb would be nice" he smiled.

"Wayy ahead of you buddy!" Eren smirked. Grabbing poor bruised up Cain by the collar, he dragged him outside to a nearby dumpster.

" _Au Revoir Cain"_ Armin smirked waving Cain goodbye. "It was a pleasure serving you!" He winked.

(a/N: i hope you all enjoyed that chaper!chapter 14 will be out in a little bit,! So Stay tuned :-))


	14. Chapter 14

(LA129: hey everyone! I have finally returned with chapter 14!

Audience: HOORAY!

Armin: ahhh it's good to be back~!*munches on cupcake*

LA129: O.o...uhhh Armin dear? _Who_ are you eating?

Armin:uhhhh*sweatdrops and hides cupcake behind his back* er..nobody..?

Reiner:*walks in* hey have you guys has anybody seen Bertholt anywhere?

Armin:O/O..*quickly scarfs down the cupcake* don't worry he'll be back!..er

.give or take a few hours...

LA129:*facepalms* l-let's just get on with the story...

xxxxxxxx

Chapter 14: with butlers, bloody Mary's and shota sprinkles on top?

"Okay Eren, which one should I wear?! Pastel pink or powder blue?" Armin asked holding up two lolita outfits. It was almost time to for him to go on his date with Christa and he couldn't decide on what to wear. Eren looked over them both and snorted.

"Well that depends, are you going to have a triple fuck with Alois Trancy and Ciel Phantomhive?" Eren asked smirking. Armin just stomped his stocking clad foot in annoyance. "Oh screw you Eren!" The blonde spat.

Eren then giggled playfully and layed back in Armin's bed. "Oh yes master~! Screw me like your French girls~!" He moaned getting into a silly pose. "Ereennn~!" Armin whined."this is serious!"

"Well what's wrong with what you're already wearing?" Eren asked tilting his head in confusion. "I ended up getting fuck boy germs all over it while beating Cain earlier" the blonde replied. He inwardly cringed in disgust at the memory of Cain trying to flirt with him. He might just have to wash himself with bleach later.

"Look Armin, you're going to be just fine no matter what you wear, You're like a cute androdgynous little gnome! You'll look nice no matter what!" The brunette said patting him on the back.

Armin took a deep breath and exhaled. "Yeah..you're right" he nodded. "Thanks Eren!"

"Any time buddy!" The brunette smiled. It was at that moment Mikasa trotted up the stairs with her little paws and meowed for the two boys to come downstairs. "What is it Mikasa?" Armin asked the kitty. "Meow!" Mikasa replied stepping into the room.

"Mikasa says that you have some more customers downstairs" Eren translated. "Oh okay! I'll be there in a minute" Armin smiled petting the cat. Mikasa nodded and scampered back downstairs.

"Well let's see who we have this time.." Armin said getting up.

Xxxxxxxx

"Oh Sebby! Isn't this the most _darling_ little teashop you've ever seen!?" A young man squealed walking into the bakery. He had bloody red knee length hair,sharp pointy teeth, alarming green eyes and thick pretty had a overall feminine build to him and spoke in a posh British accent.

The red head was clad in black lace up boots,black fishnet stockings, black short shorts and a red tank top that matched his bloody hair. He wore multiple blood red spiky bracelets to help accessorise his attire along with some bloody red lipstick and black eyeshadow.

The young man that had tagged along with the red head had neat black inky raven hair, pale skin and sharp crimson eyes. He was extremely attractive and wore tight black jeans, black converse and a black tuxedo t-shirt with white butler gloves.

"Yes,I'd say it's rather charming indeed" the raven haired male agreed in a posh British accent as well. The two men waited near the counter for a minute longer until Armin finally emerged. _"Bonjour et bienvenue à Black Widow Bakery!"_ The coconut greeted. "May i take your order?" He smiled.

The raven haired male blushed for a moment upon seeing Armin, but quickly shook it off. "Ah yes, my young master requested that i bring him something delicious for dessert" the raven spoke smiling in a calm manner. "Surely someone who runs a place as charming as this has something tasty in here?" He asked.

Armin nodded wnd smiled."why of course Mister umm..?"

"Michaelis" the raven smiled seductively. "Sebastian Michaelis, and this red fellow here is Grell" he said pointing to the man next to him. "Oh Sebby you sound so lovely when you say my name~!" Grell cooed latching onto Sebastean's arm.

Sebastian simply groaned in annoyance and tried to shake the bloody red head off of his arm but to no avail. Armin giggled in amusement at this and nodded. "Why of course Mr Michaelis, here at Black Widow Bakery we serve only the finest delicasies" he purred. "may i offer you a sample?" He asked.

"Oohhh! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Grell squealed bouncing in excitement. Armin pulled out a fresh tray of fancy assorted chocolates. "How about some chocolate?" Armin suggested. Grell's eyes turned into hearts when he seen this. "Oh I _adore_ chocolates ~!" He declared. Seizing a piece, he popped it in his mouth and froze.

Rich pepperment cream, dark chocolate and what could only be described as an orgasm with toffee and nuts erupted in his mouth and slithered down his throat and into his stomach. The reaper went deathly silent for a moment before pouncing Armin.

"EEP!"

 _"MARRY MEEEEE!"_ Grell squeaked while giving Armin a tight death hug. "Grell! Stop this foolishness this instant!" Sebastian scolded while pulling Grell off of the blonde man. "Please excuse him" The raven sighed in embarrassment. "Er it's okay, I've grown used to it" Armin replied dusting himself off.

"Sebby! Try one!" Grell urged pushing a piece up to Sebastian's face. "I really don't -"

 _"Sebbyyyyy~!"_ Grell whined blushing and speaking in a needy childish tone. He took off his glasses and pouted giving him a very effective begging face. Sebastian sighed, gave in, and popped one in his mouth. He too went silent.

"S-Sebby...?" Grell asked.

 _"Grell~..."_ Sebastian purred seductively. Grell almost jizzed himself on the spot from the butler's tone of voice. "Y-yes?" Grell replied. "I think I'm hungry for more than just dessert now.. I'm craving a certain little bloody Mary if you catch my drift" he purred nibbling on Grell's right ear.

"Oh..my.. _god!_ " Grell shrieked to himself.

He then turned to Armin. "Hurry up and get me two pounds of those chocolates" Sebastian ordered. "I have very important matters to attend to" he said looking back at Grell and giving him a sexy look that would have made the devil himself squeal.

"Right away sir!" Armin nodded. Once he was done bagging up the chocolates, he gave them to Sebastian. "Thank you, my young lord will be very pleased with these" Sebastean smiled. He payed Armin for the goods turned his attention back to Grell and picked him up bridal style. "Now back to you my bloody mary~" the raven male cooed.

Grell looked over Sebastian's shoulder and smiled gratefully in Armin's direction. _"THANK YOU~!"_ he squealed as the butler carried him out of the shop.

"Please come again~!" Armin smiled bidding them farewell.

Xxxxxxx

Armin looked over his appearance once more before looking back at his clock.

6:45PM..

"Well.. this is as good as it's going to get" he said smiling at his reflection. He wore a silky mint green vest with chains and silver buttons adorning it, matching tiny little shorts, a ruffled white blouse, and a large clip on mint green bow tie with white and silver stripes on it.

Mint green striped stockings and matching clunky platform Lolita boots adorned his legs and feet. "Hmmm...needs something else.." He mumbled to himself. Grabbing a pair of little bow shaped earrings out of his jewelry box, he put them on.

"There we go~!" He chirped smiling in approval. He gave Mr Whiskers his cat food for the night, stepped out of his room,and into the bakery. There were no more customers in here tonight so he went ahead and closed up shop.

locking the bakery doors behind him, he headed over to "Fantasy Pastry"

Xxxxxxxx.

"Christaaa~!" Ymir whined from inside the kitchen. "What's wrong!?you've been out of it all day!" She asked."oh nothing!"Christa replied snapping out of it. "Nothing at all!" Letting out a nervous laugh, she went to go tend to her remaining customers. Once again she was caught day dreaming about Armin.

"HEY! WHERE'S MY MALTED SHAKE AT!?" A customer growled from in the corner."er..right away sir!" Christa yelped scurrying over with the shake. Like Armin, this customer was dressed in male lolita attire as well. He even had blonde hair and blue eyes as well, but he had a sort of bitchy demeanor to him.

"Well it's about time!" The boy scoffed. "Eh heh heh..sorry Alois" Christa replied sweat dripping. "Here's your shake!" Alois just rolled his eyes in annoyance and took the drink. "Dumb bitch.." He snorted under his breath.

Christa narrowed her eyes at this and was about to say something back until she noticed something by the window. Armin was peeking through the window winking and blowing kisses at her.

"U-umm Ymir!? I'm going out for a bit okay!?" Christa said bolting out of the shop. "Er..okay..?" Ymir replied looking at her in confusion. _"What's gotten into her all of a sudden?"_ The brunette wondered to herself.

"Hi bunny!" Armin smiled hugging her."Armin~! " Christa chirped hugging back. "Oh my gosh I'd thought you'd never come!" She said pulling away. "Why what's wrong?" The shota boy asked. "One of our customers was getting on my nerves just now" the girl replied.

"Really? Which one?" Armin asked curiously. Almost as if on cue Alois came out looking for Christa holding an empty glass. "Oh servant girl~? I demand another shake at once" he smirked. "The last one was too runny" he then slowly looked Armin up and down with a nasty evil smirk on his face.

"Yeah? What are you looking at?" Armin asked with a pointed glare. "Definitely not much from what I'm seeing" Alois snorted.

Oh no he didn't...

Christa was literally holding Armin back from ripping Alois's hair and eyes out. _"LET ME GO GOD DAMMIT!"_ Armin screeched. _LA PETITE MARTE !_ The bitch don't know me bunny! Bitch don't know me!"

"Armin calm down! He's not worth it!" Christa squeaked.

"Aww how cute, the servant bitch is defending her slut boyfriend! How cute" Alois cackled.

Oh yes he did...

"On second thought go for it ~!" Christa chirped. Before anyone knew it Alois was laying in back of a nearby alley with multiple bruises plus a black eye, courtesy of Armin.

"And I'll be taking _this~_!" Armin cooed taking Alois purple trenchcoat. "Are you sure we should just leave him here?" Christa asked. "Meh, he'll be fine" Armin shrugged. He then smiled and took the girl's hand."Come on bunny " he said eagerly tugging her towards Sasha's Bistro.

"Okay" Christa blushed. A nice date with Armin. what could possibly go wrong?

20 minutes later~~~

 _"THISSSSSS IS THE NIIIGGGGHHHHT! WHAT A BBBEEEAAAAUUUUUTYYFULLL NIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHT! AND WEE CALLLLLLL ITTT BELLLLAAAAAA NORRRTTTTEE~!"_ Eren screeched loudly with Connie dreadfully playing the accordion next to him.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Mikasa was sitting on top of Eren's head yowling and screeching out the song along with him.

Armin looked embarrassed as hell while Christa looked like she was ready to hide underneath the table. Yup, he was going to kill Eren and Connie once this was over.

Sasha brought out a plate of spaghetti and meatballs for the pair as the two boys continued their terrible song. "Er Sasha? You only brought one plate for us here.." Armin stated. "That's the idea~!" Sasha replied smiling and wiggling her eyebrows at the coconut.

 _"Oh hell no.."_ Armin thought facepalming on the table. Christa giggled a bit at this and patted the coconut's hand."come on Armin, they really are trying " Christa said looking at the the three friends near them. "The least we can do is humor them"

Armin managed a weak smile and nodded in agreement. "Alright bunny" Armin said scooting closer to her. Picking up a long string of spaghetti, he put either ends of it in both of their mouths causing Christa to blush like mad.

Armin smirked seeing Christa's blush and started slurping on the spaghetti noodle. Christa followed Armin's lead and before long they were doing the infamous "Lady & The Tramp" kiss.

 _"Best ..date.. ever~!"_ Armin inwardly squealed to himself. The rest of their date went smoothly. Once it was over, Armin walked Christa back over to Fantasy Pastry. "Thanks for hanging out with me again Armin" Christa smiled."I actually enjoyed it!"

"Even with Eren's terrible singing and Connie's accordian making our ears bleed in the background?" The little coconut asked.

"Yes, even then. They really are good friends for trying to help" The girl declared. Armin inwardly smiled like an idiot at this."until next time?" The young woman asked. _"Oui Madam ~"_ Armin purred kissing her hand. "To be continued" he smiled.

Christa's heart fluttered this."Good night Armin" the woman said going back into the shop.

 _"bonne nuit ma chérie"_ Armin replied back bidding her farewell.

xxxxx

"Best date ever.." Christa sighed softly to herself. She snapped out of her train of thought however when she bumped into none other than Ymir. _"Uh oh.."_

Ymir had her arms crossed, was tapping her foot and scowled at her in a parental fashion. "And what was _that_ all about just now huh?" The taller girl demanded. Christa gulped under Ymir's gaze. "Err what do you mean?" The petite woman asked.

"I mean what was up with you and Shota McAss baby just now out there!" Ymir snapped. "What was him kissing your hand all about!?"

"It's nothing Ymir, really" Christa stammered. "I was just trying to see about that secret recipe of his that you wanted!"

"Hmmm you don't say.." Ymir said still eyeing her like a hawk.

"Well! Let's get back to tending these customers yeah?" Christa suggested. Picking up some menus, she laughed nervously and disappeared into the kitchen.

Ymir eyed the kitchen doors for another moment before walking over to the front doors. She looked out of them and scowled seeing Armin walking down the street smiling and humming happily to himself in joy.

"So this is love~Hmmmhmmmhmmm..so this is love~!" She heard the boy sing in an angelic voice. Ymir growled in jealousy as she watched him twirl around like a Disney princess back to his place.

"I'm going to get him one way or another if it's the last thing I do!" She hissed.

(A/N: finally another chapter completed! And dear god what does the Yuri queen got up her sleeve for Armin this time? We'll just have to see in the next chapter of "Black Widow Bakery")


	15. Chapter 15

LolitaArmin129:I'm baaaaccccckkkkkk~! And I'm finally hear with chapter 15! XD

Audience:FINALLY!

Eren:and what happened to YOU!? God do you know how long it's been since you last updated!?

LolitaArmin129:u-uhh…*sweatdrops*

Eren:NEARLY A FUCKING YEAR!

Armin:*walks out of bathroom with newspaper and toilet flushing* Eren there's no need to cuss Lolita out..even if she DID take forever to update..* low key narrows eyes at Lolita*

LolitaArmin129 :I'm sorry guys i was having really bad writers block again on how i should continue this. Selling my soul to work had my creative juices all clogged up lately..㈳7

Armin:that's not the only thing clogged up around here

LolitaArmin129:what do you mean hun? *pets Armin*

Armin:let's just say that Bert cupcake i had last time didn't go down very well..*laughs nervously*

Bertholt:*shivers in horror coming out of the bathroom covered in shota poop *the horror..! The horror..!*cries softly*

Eren:dude you are sick!

Lolita Armin129:let's..just get on with the chapter shall we..?

Chapter 15 Cain pie and Jeager bombs

Ymir stood at the counter seething as she tried to think of a plan to get rid of Armin. The little gremlin needed to get knocked down a peg or two, but how!? It's like no matter what she tried, it always ended up backfiring on her! And not to mention her partner in crime Christa was beginning to go soft on her. She may need to get another henchman if she wanted to sabotage Armin's business.

"Hmm...maybe i could just put horse shit in his stuff..?" she muttered in thought to herself. As she was contemplating her plans for bakery domination, a customer walked in. It was none other than Cain, the village fuckboy himself. He had a faint purple shiner from his last scuffle with Armin along with a few bruises to go with it .

"Damn son what happened to you?" Ymir blinked in confusion. "Ugh..don't ask.." Cain muttered staggering over to a table. "Just get me the usual" the boy ordered. "Whateves bruh" Ymir shrugged."order up Christa!" The girl yelled."already got it ready Ymir!"Ymir smiled."Chocolate turtle pie and lemonade for this guy right?" She asked.

"ugh..hold the lemonade.." Cain winced."i don't want to see another glass of that shit for as long as i live.." He cringed."why did somebody piss in it or something?" Ymir snickered jokingly."actually yes, that little blonde fucker down the street thought it be funny to spike my drink with shota piss!"

Christa and Ymir's ears both perked up in interest once they heard the mention of "little blonde fucker". "Hold up! does this little blonde fucker sorta have a girly voice with long hair?" Ymir asked."and nice eyebrows to match?" Christa added. Ymir gave Christa a weird look about the eyebrow thing but ignored it and looked back at Cain.

"Yeah that's him! I'm going to throttle that little faggot next time i see him!" Cain hissed. A light bulb appeared over Ymir's head as a cruel grinch like smile slowly appeared on her face."mmmhmm...interesting..you want a little revenge, and i want to trash his reputation..." She then slung an arm around Cain's shoulder and grinned. "Cain my boy, how about you and me strike a little bargain~?"

Cain's yellow eyes glinted deviously at this suggestion and grinned just as evilly."I'm listening~!" He purred. A disgusting joker like smile formed on his face as Ymir unveiled her current plan to the him. "Just wait my boy! Soon we'll rid the street of that shota bitch in no time! And once we do, his secret formula and popularity will be ours! OURS!MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" she giggled in glee with Cain following suit.

" _Oh no! I got to warn Armin!"_ Christa thought as she overheard the discussion from the kitchen.

-Meanwhile with Armin and friends!-

"Eren.." Armin started off with his eyebrow twitching."what the FRUIT did you DO!?" He demanded looking at the brunette's condition. Eren fidgeted nervously under his friend's gaze."i couldn't help it i was hungry!" he whined."but you have boobs now!" Armin sighed in exhasperation.

Apparently because Eren had skipped breakfast this morning, he decided to have one of Armin's Stocking cupcakes for lunch today. Unfortunately however, it was the older batch that Ymir had spiked with female growth hormone, so the tan boy now sported a nice pair of perky C-Cup boobs.

"you're just jealous cause I'm sexy!" Eren pouted in defence. Armin rolled his eyes while Mikasa blushed and covered her eyes with her paws. "Eren i swear to god if you run my customers off with your tits i will-OH MY GOD DON'T GROPE YOURSELF!" the blonde shrieked covering his eyes. A light pink blush dusted Eren's cheeks as he continued to grope himself.

"hey this is pretty hot..can we keep them!?" Eren asked. "What!? No we aren't keeping them! As soon as i develop an antidote cupcake those things are gone!" Armin replied. "Aw man you're no fun..!" Eren whined. And as if tweedle dee wasn't enough, then here comes tweedle dum. Connie strolled through the door with treats from Sasha in tow.

"Hey guys! I brought you some-HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE REAL!?" Connie asked pointing at Eren's jeagerbombs."ofcourse they are! Wanna feel em?" Eren asked grinning wildly." _Oh mon Dieu.."_ Armin facepalmed. "Idiots..I'm surrounded by idiots.. " the blonde sighed. Two minutes later heard the doorbell jingle outside.

"Armin! Armin are you here?!" Christa asked entering the shop. Armin's ears perked up at the woman's voice"Bunny?" The boy replied popping his head out of the kitchen doors. She appeared to be in distress. The other blonde beamed once she finally spotted Armin."oh there you are! thank god i got to you before Ymir and Cain could!" The petit blonde said.

Armin's expression then turned into a look of concern. "Ymir and Cain? What do you mean?" He asked. "They've teamed up and are planning something right now as we speak!" Christa explained "please promise me you'll be caref-" she then looked over at Eren and Connie who was now listening to their conversation in interest. Connie silently waved and winked at her, while Eren was focused on playing with his cleavage."...why does Eren have boobs...?" She asked confused.

Armin looked over his shoulder at Eren and and shot him a look."will you STOP that!? Christ there are children in here!" He retorted." Oh i see, so it's perfectly fine to flash your ass and charm everyone in this story but when i show a little skin it's a problem!?" Eren scoffed breaking the fourth wall.

"um, excuse me but who's the main character in this fic?" Armin snapped. "You are.." Eren muttered in defeat."Then shut up.l" Armin replied rolling his eyes. He then turned his attention back to Christa. "Just ignore him, he's not himself today" Armin declared. "but anyways as you were saying _mon cher?"_ He asked looking at Christa. "I just really want you to be carefull, they could try to spike your stuff with anything! They might even..try to hurt you.." Christa whimpered softly.

" _Aaaww she really does care.."_ Armin smiled. "Hey.." He said gently putting a hand to her face."I'll be okay alright? Thanks for telling me bunny" he thanked gratefully. She blushed when he leaned over to give her a soft peck on the cheek. This caused a few onlookers in the shop to glare at Christa in mild jealousy. Eren noticed this and growled. "Yeah he kissed her! Go back to your pie thots!" he barked at the customers. A mixture of defeated sighs escaped the customers lip as they went back to their pies.

"Yeah don't worry doll, those asshats aren't going to mess with our little nugget" Connie grinned slinging an arm over Armin's shoulder."yeah not if we got anything to say about it!" Eren chimed in. "That's my boys!" Armin giggled grinning at the two."i knew i could count on you two" he said."but how are you guys going to stop them?" Christa asked. "Leave it to me~" Eren purred getting an idea."oh God. Why do i have a bad feeling about this..?" Armin groaned.

-later that afternoon-

"Okay, I'm in the shop" Cain whispered into his walkie talkie. He was breaking in through the back door of Armin's kitchen with a bag of only God knows what. _"Good! Now poison all of those sweets of his! Leave no cupcake untouched"_ Ymir instructed through her walkie talkie back at "Fantasy Pastry ."and don't forget that secret formula!" She added. "roger that!" Cain nodded.

Pulling out a can of rat poison, he sprinkled it over every pastry he could he was all finished he laughed maniacally."mwahaha! Eat that little dick!" He sneered."that'll teach him for pissing in my stuff" he grinned. "Now to find that recipe Ymir wanted.." He muttered. He spent the next three minutes snooping through Armin's cupboards until he heard a mysterious voice from behind him.

"Why hello there big boy~" the voice spoke."what the-!?" Cain yelped turning around. Standing in the middle of the room,was none other than Eren freaking Jeager himself wearing a slutty pink french maid outfit that barely covered anything. Sheer white elbow length gloves adorned his arms, while matching white thigh highs decorated his legs. He eyed cain with a flirty smirk as he approached him with his tits jiggling.

"EH!?" Cain shrieked backing away while blushing."W-what the-!? Who the-!? Who the fuck ARE YOU!?" He squeaked. He fell backward on his ass in his pitiful attempt to scoot away from Eren. Eren simply sat in Cain's lap and giggled hotly with hearts and shojo sparkles in the background. Seriously, where did he even GET shojo sparkles at?"what's wrong? Don't you like me Cainy poo?" Eren asked.

"Gah! Don't come closer you weirdo!" Cain yelled having a then fake pouted and batted his eyelashes at the other male. "Daww but why? You didn't seem to have a problem touching my friend a couple days ago, so why not have a taste of THESE jeagerbombs instead?" He winked jiggling his boobs for emphasis. "Besides I'm much more yummier than Armin!" he declared.

Cain pailed in horror and bolted from the kitchen shrieking in terrir."AHHHHH! HELP! THERE'S A FREAKY CROSSDRESSER WITH TITS HITTING ON MEEEEE!" Cain howled with Eren chasing after him school girl style."you can't escape my love Cain~!" Eren giggled scaring the intruder. Shojo sparkles were still falling off of Eren as he continued to chase the man.

Once Eren had cain where he wanted him he dropped the flirty maid act."Connie! Now!" Eren sat underneath an empty table and tugged on a trap wire that was directly in front of Cain making him trip. Cain fell face first into a large pie and bruising his nose."AUGH!" Cain screamed in agony through the pie.

He looked up with pie crust falling off of his face when he heard evil laughter coming from above him. Armin was standing over him with an incredibly smug look on his face with his hands on his hips. "Ahh Cain..poor messy little Cain..you thought you could just waltz into _my_ shop unnoticed and waltz right back out of here with _my_ formula?" He cooed evilly."oh how mistaken you were" he retorted.

All of Armin's customers watched in interest now as they listened to the blonde. "You see Cain, if you're going to be in my bakery, then there's ofcourse a few small rules that you're going to have to follow..but first..Eren?" Armin said looking over at the brunette."could you play some ass whoopoling music for me..?" he asked with a cruel glint in his eye.

"Wayyyy ahead of you buddy.." Eren smirked pulling out his phone with gang music on blast( this is what he's playing xD)  /U-cT22bT7UM. "Eeeeexcellent.." Armin grinned tueninf his attention back to Cain. "Now for rule number one..NOBODY fucks with my shop!" He sneered. Realing his foot back, he brutally bashed the tip of his lolita boot in Cain's face,busting his nose."AUGHHH!" Cain cried.

The customers whooped and hollered as they watched the gloruous beatdown before them as Armin continued."rule number two!" He growled."nobody messes with me, OR my customers!" He said bashing his face again."and rule number three.." he said picking Cain up by the shirt collar."no basic bitches and fuckboys allowed.." He hissed with his fangs out enough for only Cain to see. Cain froze and trembled in terror as he noticed his eyes turn into slits.

"Y-yes sir!" Cain gasped in fear."glad to see we finally have an understanding~" Armin cooed sweetly."now get the FUCK out of my shop!" he growled. Cain flew out of the door as Armin sucker punched him in the face and onto the sidewalk outside. He laid in a steaming heap of smoke as Armin wiced and rubbed his knuckles in mild pain.

He then blushed as the bakery erupted into cheers in applause."Three cheers for Armin getting rid of the fuckboy!" Rainbow Dash whistled sitting at her table."HIP HIP!"

"HOORAY!" the customers cheered.

"HIP HIP!"

"HOORAY!

"HIP HIP!"

"HOORAY!"

Armin giggled and blushed at all of the attention he was getting but soon remembered Christa in the room. She was by the corner looking at him in admiration with a small smile on her face."actually..the one you really need to thank is Christa over there. I would've never found out about him coming here had she not warned me" he said making her blush.

"Aaannnnnd?" Eren demanded tapping his foot while crossing his arms. "Ugh..alright..and thank Eren and his jeagerbombs too.." Armin said rolling his eyes. " much better!" Eren smirked." Heyyy what about ME!?" Connie asked. "I helped trip the fucker!" He pouted. "Okay damn thank the bald mexican too!" Armin sighed. Everyone erupted into laughter at this remark.

Christa then walked up to Armin and rubbed the hand that he used to punch cain with."gosh this is really bruised! Are you okay?" She asked. "Yeah..i think I'll be fine. I must've hit him harder than i thought.." Armin muttered. "Here I'll fix you up" Christa said."afterwards we can go back into the kitchen and see what all Cain tampered with" she declared.

"Okay" Armin smiled being led upstairs to his apartment."heh we sure kicked ass today didn't we?" Connie asked Eren."damn straight!" Eren nodded with Mikasa sitting next to him."and it's all thanks to these beauties!' Eren said bending over and showing off his cleavage. The two boys then looked over to the door once they heard it rang. By a very horrible stroke of luck, Carla Jeager entered the bakery sporting a yellow tank top, blue jeans and yellow pumps with yellow hoop earrings. She was holding a bagged lunch for Eren looking for him.

"Eren! You forgot your-" she gasped in surprise and dropped the lunch once she looked over her son's appearance and grimanced in disgust."EREN JEAGER! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?" she shrieked."AND WHAT ARE THOSE!?"She demanded pointing to his cleavage. Eren stammered hysterically as he attempted to cover his chest." M-MOM IT'S NOT WHAT YOU-AH!" Eren squawked as Carla grabbed him by the ear.

"I did NOT raise you to be a pervert young man! We are going to the hospital to have those surgically removed RIGHT NOW!" She roared. Eren's eyes widened in horror as she tugged him out of the store."MOM NO! NO! NOT MY BABIES! ANYTHING BUT MY BAABBIIIEEEESSSS!"Eren wailed. Connie and Mikasa sweatdropped as they watches their friend leave.

"Seriously girl how do you deal with this..?" Connie asked looking down at her. Mukasa simply sat on her hind legs and held her paws up in a gesture as if to say"i have no fucking clue"

(Well people i have finally managed to come out with 15 at last thank god. See you all in 16! And hopefully it won't be as long of a wait as this chapter was. XD bye bye!)


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